What if a man says, “I love making love to you,” and you respond by saying “I love you,” then he totally backs off? I get emails that this has happened all the time, so I thought it would be helpful for me to offer some advice.

Here’s what you need to understand about men and this whole thing of who should say “I love you” first.

It’s kind of an unwritten rule that the woman needs to wait to tell a man ‘I love you’ until after he says it. This is because men move much more slowly than women do. And when he says he loves making love to you, it has nothing to do with being in love with you. They are two separate feelings for him.

Another reason men wait as long as possible to say ‘I love you,’ is because they know women usually assume that means the relationship is moving to ‘the next level.’ Men don’t know exactly what the next level means, but if they aren’t feeling it yet, then they get scared that everything that has been working ‘just fine,’ will get messed up. Meaning, she’ll start feeling like he should now spend more time and attention from him, conversations about moving in or getting married might start being tossed about…you know how it goes.

If you could replay that moment, the better thing to have said would have been, “You’re an amazing lover and you make me feel so sexy.”

The most important thing to remember is that a man falls in love because of how you make him feel about himself. To tell him you think he’s sexy, or an amazing lover, or you love his cock, will cause him to feel like superman. He associates those great feeling with you, and eventually, if everything else is working great (meaning you aren’t one of those unpredictable emotional, needy, clingy, or high maintenance women) then he will usually fall in love.

Now it’s important to remember that just because he loves you doesn’t mean he’s thinking of a long-term future with you. That’s another mistake women make. Loving you and seeing you as ‘the one’ are two different things entirely. He has to be ready, willing and (financially) able to ‘settle down’ to start looking at you as his lifelong mate.

If this has happened to you, you have two options:
1) Back off, don’t say anything, go back to how you were before he changed–basically, be the fun woman he was enjoying–and maybe he’ll start being the way he was before, and eventually, come to love you.
2) His reaction is telling you he doesn’t love you. He was simply enjoying being with you. He doesn’t want a big emotional entanglement. He may come to love you but if the ‘backing off’ includes not even wanting to have sex with you, that’s a pretty strong indicator that he was just having a good time with you. If you want a loving, potentially long-term relationship, and you don’t want to wait and see what happens with this man, then you need to see this as a gift. What I mean is he’s told you early on that he’s ‘not that into you,’ and you don’t have to waste any more time on him. That’s a good thing.

If you want to understand the inner workings of a man’s heart and mind, you’ll definitely want to get Men Made Easy. And if you tend to date the wrong men, you’d benefit from How To Meet and Keep Mr. Right.

To get started on understanding men, you can download 3 free ebooks at KaraOh.com. You’ll also start receiving my weekly relationship newsletter, from which you can unsubscribe at any time.

I’m kind of fudging with that title. Because no one can make us sad. Only we make ourselves sad, or happy, or angry, or whatever the emotion is. Yes, he, or your mom, or a co-worker might be a trigger for you becoming emotional, but we are the ones who react and respond to what the other person has done.

When you become sad, either because you miss him, you had an argument, he dumped you, or whatever, you must remind yourself that this is temporary. I know it feels like the end of the world sometimes, but it isn’t.

When we ‘react’ it’s unconscious, which means we didn’t ‘choose’ to respond that way. But the moment we find ourselves reacting in a way we don’t want, we can stop ourselves and choose to take it in a different direction.

When you’re sad, you stay that way because you focus on the thing that made you sad. So of course, the feeling persists. One of the things people don’t understand is that you can’t just make it go away. It needs to be replaced by something better.

So if you keep thinking about how he left you for another woman, for instance, of course, you will keep yourself in that pit of despair. If you tell yourself to stop thinking those thoughts that make you sad, you will not have anything else to think about. You need to find something to replace them with. Lost dreams are hard to let go of, but having gone through a few break-ups, most significantly my 29-year marriage, not only do you get past it, you can, as I have, thrive and be better off.

When you are feeling any kind of emotion you know is not good for you, what can you replace it with? One of the easiest is to start a list of things you’re grateful for. I suggest you write the list by hand. You can also go help others who have more serious problems than you do. You can spend time with friends and those people you love and who love you. You can do anything that will  make you laugh, even if it’s watching kitten videos on YouTube.

My point is, you are in charge of your state of being. NO ONE ELSE is. Only you. Look at Nelson Mandela. He was imprisoned for 27 years. They locked up his physical body, but his mind stayed his. Do you think he focused on how angry he was, how wronged. 27 years of that kind of thinking would not have made the man who was released and became president of his country. He had control over his thinking, over his emotions, and over his heart.

Next time you find yourself an emotional mess, acknowledge it, give yourself to feel fully, hit a pillow if you’re angry, cry your tears if you’re sad, but then, make the conscious the decision, to choose to step out of, and away from the state of mind that is not serving you.

This doesn’t mean those feelings won’t come back. When they do, acknowledge them, feel them, then choose the new thoughts, the new activity, whatever will help you get to a state of mind that DOES serve you.

One of the most important aspects of Feminine Grace is to take charge of our reactions and responses to what life tosses our way. Whenever we react in a way that later we’re embarrassed or sorry, it usually falls into the category of ‘being ugly,’ as my grandma used to say. Feminine Grace is about ‘being’ beautiful, in how we look, now we are, and how well we love ourselves and others.

It’s your choice…always.

If you want a man to fall in love with you, you need to be a woman who is beautiful. Men are attracted to beautiful women. That’s well known. But it’s true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You will not be, nor should you want to be, attractive to every man. Women who try to do that only end up unhappy with themselves.

When you try to be beautiful according to someone else’s standards or criterion, you will not be your authentic self. Discover your own sense of beauty and cultivate that.

When you feel good about your appearance, you will feel beautiful. Then you will attract a man who finds you beautiful. If you try to change yourself in ways you ‘think’ men want, then they will be attracted to that, such as big breasts, instead of you. When you are your true self, then you will end up with a man who loves the real you. It seems obvious, but so many women miss this simple truth.

One way to cultivate your own sense of beauty is to surround yourself with beauty. Maybe you live in a furnished apartment and are stuck with not so lovely furniture. But if you save, buy a couple of beautiful pillows, like you might find at an Indian Bazaar. And keep your environment clean and tidy, including the inside of drawers and closets. And keep your car clean, inside and out, again, including the glove compartment and the trunk.

When you surround yourself with beauty, you will nourish your spirit and that will reflect in your energy. The more glowing your energy, the more attractive you will be.

When you can afford it, buy original art. There’s something extra special about owning work that was created by another, not a machine.Original art brings life to your environment in a way that nothing else can. Even if it’s something small and inexpensive, if another person created it, it will feel special every time you look at it.

I recently purchased a piece of art from Kimberly Pratt. I’d seen it when she first completed it, but as much as I wanted to have it in my home, I didn’t feel like it was a wise thing to purchase at the time. But on Friday, we had P.K. Odle, a master feng shui practitioner to help make our home as positive as possible. It turned out we needed some red in one corner of the house and I immediately thought of Kimberly Pratt’s “Waking Angel,” the painting at the top of this article. It’s now hanging behind Stephen’s desk and we love how it makes our home feel.

Being surrounded by beautiful things, whether you’re single or have a partner, will enhance your environment in many positive ways, which will cause your energy to glow. And glowing energy is the most important aspect of what I call Feminine Grace. Feminine Grace is what men find irresistible, what causes them to fall in love, and more important, to stay in love.

Here’s the full image of “Waking Angel:”

If you’re dating and looking for that special man to make a life with, there are certain things you can do to your home to, shall we say, “invite him into your life.” After all, the goal is to get him to fall in love with you, right?

Your energy is more enticing when you are open to a wonderful man showing up. You’ll feel it and so will the men you meet.

Now, I’m not necessarily talking magic here, although, there might be something to that, I’m actually talking about first, 1) your energy, and 2) what he’ll ‘feel’ when he sees your bedroom for the first time.

First, your energy. If your bedroom is just about you, filled with girly pillows, womanly or cute art, your stuff on both your night stands, your closet filled with your things, colors that are extremely feminine, your energy is contained, focused on you, your aesthetics and your comfort.

That’s great because I’m a big believer in a woman taking care of herself, nurturing herself, loving herself. But if you want to draw a man into your life, you have to develop a picture and a mindset of him already being there.

So de-clutter your room, remove any excess nick-nacks, paint the walls a neutral color, remove excess pillow, and be sure and clear everything personal from ‘his’ nightstand.

But keep in mind as you transform your bedroom, that men do enjoy being in a woman’s boudoir, as long as it’s sexy and makes him feel comfortable in it.

The photo above is Stephen‘s and my sexy bedroom. He loves the canopy, but the room is definitely not feminine. Neutral colors, bold pieces in the room, pillows but not too many. Oh, be sure and have nice soft sheets. You’ll feel sexier and you’ll feel good the first time you invite him into your bed.

Now, go have fun making room for Mr. Wonderful.

If you want to know all about what men think, why they respond to you the way they do and how to make him fall in love with you, you’ll want to take a peek at From Flirting To Forever so you can make your energy even more enticing. The goal is to cause him to be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Trust me, it feels wonderful.

The more you understand men, the more successfully you’ll be able to create a relationship that fulfills you and makes your heart sing.

Women are the ones who complain that they don’t get enough intimacy from their man. But generally, that means they want more intimate conversations where he shares the innermost recesses of his heart.

In my years as a relationship adviser and observer of people, what I’ve noticed is that women talk more to connect than to communicate.

When women get together their conversations are more like a meandering walk through the park.

Their topics of discussion can lead from one place to the next, without any need to know how they ended up talking about something that neither had planned.

Men, on the other hand, like to get to the point as quickly and efficiently as possible. So for men, talking does not equate to intimacy, even if the subject is private and personal.

As little boys, men are taught that feelings are sissy and that they should not only not express them, and even worse, to not even admit they have them. They simply don’t talk about what goes on in their most private thoughts and feelings.

So because men have few, if any, people with whom they can completely let down their guard and say anything and everything they want, they actually crave intimacy more than women do.

Think about it. Women have any number of friends, family members, and their lover with whom they can fully express themselves. Do they get judged? No, they get sympathy, caring, and even held.

When you understand this Secret about men, and especially the companion Secret, you’ll be better able to communicate your needs for intimacy in a way that allows him to open up and share more from his heart, which is exactly what you want.

Don’t forget to get the three free ebooks so you can find out if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three at KaraOh.com.

Well, I read a poll lately where it said men’s preferred Valentine’s Day gift is sex. 70%!!! So understanding that Secret about men, this is not surprising.

Would you like to surprise him with an improvement in your ability to give him his favorite form of pleasure?

As you probably know, pretty much all men (with only a handful of exceptions) love, love, love getting blow jobs. I hope you aren’t one of those women who don’t like doing this to your man because you and he are really missing out. There’s something very exciting and empowering about being able to do something that he likes sooooo much.

Another form of pleasure you can give him is a knock-his-socks off hand job. But maybe you’re insecure about how to do it. No problem, there’s an ebook for that as well. You’ll definitely want to get both so you can feel more confident in bed and make him realize he’s got the most amazing girlfriend or wife on the planet.

But here’s one caveat, if he won’t give you the same oral pleasure, then you shouldn’t any obligation to do the same for him. This is such an intimate act and so bonding, that it’s a good idea for you both to sort out what’s keeping you from offering this special gift to each other. If you want him to give you that ultimate pleasure, or if you want him to do it better, here’s something you can give him to help him have more confidence in pleasuring you, or ‘get it right.’ Be sure to be careful of his male ego when you share this with him. You don’t want it to backfire on you.

And just in case you want more confidence in every aspect of love-making, I have a program you will find really informative. Have you ever worried that you might be boring in bed? The best way to guarantee that’s not the case is by learning to be a better lover. It will boost your confidence, which will help you relax, be more creative, and more daring; it will give you new ‘tricks’ to surprise him with; and it will cause him to see that you are definitely an exciting partner he won’t want to let go of. Check out No Longer Boring In Bed here.

To help you understand the ‘inner workings’ of men better, you can download three free ebooks and discover if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three. Just go to KaraOh.com.

A woman wrote to me asking how she could use Feminine Grace to let a man know she was upset by his lack of open communication about a situation that arose.

First, you need to realize that he is not upsetting you, you are doing that to yourself. This is in all cases, not just with men. You are responsible for how you react and respond to what others do.

Next, when you don’t have all the information, it’s natural to guess as to why he didn’t communicate better than he did. When you are just beginning to date someone, you haven’t known him long enough to know his typical style of communicating. So you need more time to know if this is what you would have to live with if you became a permanent couple.

As far as communicating with Feminine Grace, the best way to keep a man open to hearing what you need to say is to start with this: “When you get a chance, I need some help understanding something.” Men like to help so this keeps him in a receptive frame of mind.

Then, explain this way, keeping it about you and how you feel, not about him and how he is doing something wrong: “I noticed that I reacted (explain how you’re feeling) when you (whatever he did). I’m wondering if you have any ideas about how I can avoid this happening in the future.” The second part is a request for him to solve a problem for you, which men typically like to do.

This method of communicating will keep him from becoming defensive. It will open his eyes to something he was unaware of, how his behavior caused you to react as you did, and hopefully, come up with a better way to communicate with you in the future.

Too often, women forget that what I teach in Men Made Easy is a better way to interact with a man so his desire and need to make you happy is kept in the forefront. When you learn to do this, you both feel like winners, all the time.

If you want to learn more about what makes men tick, you’ll want to download my three free ebooks at KaraOh.com. The more you truly understand men, the more likely you will be able to create a happy relationship for you both.

But let’s talk about something else that is sacrificed by being a Feminist. Your health and well-being. So here’s something that has nothing to do with relationships or men.

What I’ve observed in my many years teaching women, is that a reason so many women are burned out and exhausted is because they’re in their ‘masculine energy’ 24/7. This is totally unnatural. Of course, you do have to be in your masculine energy part of the time. For example, when you’re taking care of a child or a parent, you’re in your masculine energy because you’re care-taking, protecting, ‘giving,’ which is masculine.

When you’re receiving in any way, you’re in your feminine energy. So being in masculine energy is just as natural for a woman as being in feminine energy. But it’s draining to be in it all the time. The workplace is masculine. So you’re required to be in your masculine energy during the day. The problem is, most women don’t realize they should, nor do they know how to, turn off their masculine and step into their feminine.

You see, what you need to realize is that when you’re in your feminine energy you can replenish your batteries, so to speak. So I recommend you be sure and allow yourself some time, specially when you get home from work, to slip into your feminine energy, the same way you might slip into comfy clothes. If you consciously set your masculine energy on a shelf, or put it in a drawer, and then do something that will allow you to give to yourself, a glass of wine, a meditation, dancing in your underwear, you will then be able to nurture yourself in a loving, feminine way.

I also recommend you do this before going on a date, or being with your husband, because men are repelled by a woman who is in masculine energy, basically in competition for ‘who is the better man.’ It’s just the way it is, and trying to get men to be different simply does not work.

If you want to learn more about understanding men, you can download 3 free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

I know you’re hurting, for a variety of reasons. One of the most powerful is the loss of the dream. When we fall in love we begin to see how a future with this man will look and feel. Another is that it hurts to be rejected, a lot.

But let me ask you this question? Why do you want to be with a man who doesn’t want you?

Wouldn’t you rather be with a man who is so excited to be with you that he does everything he can to keep you happy? This is what I want for you, to know how fantastic it feels to be with a man who cherishes and adores you.

There are two reasons a man does not commit to a woman:
1. It’s not the right time for him
2) You’re not the right one

If he moves on to another woman, you’re not the right one. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, necessarily. It simply means the two of you weren’t a good fit.

It feels so good to be in love that we will do everything to keep it going. So when the source of those feelings leaves, it’s very difficult to let go. What’s required is a belief that because this one didn’t work out, that means there’s someone who is a better fit for you.

With each break-up, the ideal thing to do is learn from it. When we do that, we discover how we can improve ourselves; improve how we select a man, improve how we communicate, improve how enjoyable we are to be with.

The great thing about becoming a better person from what you learn is that you will be able to attract an even better man the next time.

I’m pretty sure this is not what you want to hear. There are people who focus on helping people get their ex back. It makes no sense to me, unless there are children that the couple share. Then, I do believe they should do everything possible to make their marriage work.

But when there are no children, and a couple has tried to work it out, it’s best to offer blessings on the good that you shared, let go, and move into the stage of learning so you can enjoy a relationship with a man who truly appreciates you.

Enjoy my gift of 3 free ebooks so you can learn about Cavemen, Dogs and Princes. Download them at KaraOh.com.

One of the most important things I learned in doing my research is that the thing that triggers a midlife crisis is when a man asks the question: “Is this all there is? Is this what I worked for all my adult life? Is this what I hoped for when I was just getting started on being a man?” When they ask this question, they are usually disappointed. That’s because most men have unrealized goals, even Ted Turner. The sad thing is that men tend to take it out on their wives, try to do whatever they think will make them feel young and full of hope, they often leave their families, occasionally ruin their finances, begin to gamble, drink, use drugs, use women, etc.

Most men do not have the coping skills to deal with these kind of overwhelming feelings. They have been taught since they were little to stuff their feelings, never show vulnerability or express their emotions. This is a VERY serious time for a man. It has the highest incident of suicide other than teenage boys.

My advice is to be as supportive as you can be, and at the same time, take care of yourself. If he acts out, is with other women, does scary things (like getting a motorcycle), it is not about you. It is his way of not dealing with his feelings head on. If he makes it through and hasn’t destroyed your marriage, he is likely to be the man you’ve always wanted.

Most important, don’t try to help him, only be supportive by using Feminine Grace and the secrets in Men Made Easy, don’t try to tell him what he’s feeling (don’t mention what I’ve said above), don’t offer advice. Just take care of yourself.

The more you understand men, the more you will be able to communicate your needs. To begin your journey of understanding, download 3 free ebooks about how men are Cavemen, Dogs, and Princes, all at the same time. You can get them at KaraOh.com.