I met John Corbett this evening at the Marquee martini bar in Santa Barbara. What a lovely man. I had no trouble walking up to him and talking to him because my appreciation of him is authentic. Not because he’s simply an actor, but because I admire who he appears to be on screen. I’m a pretty good judge of character so it wasn’t a surprise that he is the real deal.

Having met him, he’s as genuine, authentic, and heart centered as he appears to be on film. Love him. After talking with him for a while, he got up (much taller than I realized) and gave me a big warm bear hug. Good man. He’s been with Bo Derek for many years and I will say, she’s one lucky lady. My daughter and I really enjoyed meeting him.

I decided to play the “I’m an old lady and can get away with anything” card when I went up to him and he chastised me for saying I’m old. I told him I was just using that as a ploy, that I feel young. But I did pay attention to his “lecture” because I don’t feel old, don’t look old and don’t want to be perceived as old. So, I think I’ll let go of the number. I’m youthful, work hard to be so, and might as well put it out into the universe that I’m a sparkly woman who just so happens to have been on this planet for a wee bit of time more than a lot of you youngsters.

Anyway, it was a delight to meet John and it was nice to know that my judgment of him as a truly nice guy, was right on. I wish him continued success and happiness.

Hugs to you, John,

The Heart Whisperer™

If you think men are confusing, and most women do, it’s because you’re looking at them through your eyes, through your filters, beliefs and assumptions. When John Gray came up with his clever title comparing men and women to to entirely different planets, it struck a chord for a reason. We’re that different. So, to try to figure men out from your perspective is always going to lead to frustration because it simply can’t be done.

To truly understand men, you must slip ever-so-gently into their shoes, look out through their eyes, and filter life through their brains. Of course, this is not something that you can do simply by wishing it. You have to either put in some serious time studying men up close, talking to them in their language, asking the kind of questions they can hear, and then listening to them in the same way they think. Not what the average women is programmed to do.

So why have I figured them out? What makes me different than the average woman? Only one thing. Well…maybe two. The first thing is I automatically ask why people do what they do and react/respond the way they do, from the perspective of Cultural Anthropology. I step WAY back, look at the broad screen from way-back-when to present day, and, using my female intuition, try to make sense of it. I come up with a conclusion that “feels” right and logical, then–and here’s the second thing that makes me different–when I’m looking at what men do, I ask them if what I’ve come up with is what’s true for them. And wah, lah, an explanation, and a new secret, of what makes men tick.

But it takes more than asking one man. I actually spent two years studying men. I interviewed hundreds of men, read books that attempted to describe men, subscribed to their magazines–which, by the way, are VERY different than women’s magazines. Then, as I began to put together the puzzle pieces of what men are all about, I checked with lots and lots and lots of men to verify if I was on the right track.

So what did I learn? Tons but here’s one example:

I learned that the big difference between how men and women see getting married is women see it as a fantasy coming true, a kind of heart song, and men see it as a nuts-and-bolts decision. Men look at it in the following ways:

• Is my career on track?
• Can I afford to take care of a wife and possible children?
• Am I ready to take on the responsibility of her emotional well-being?
• Am I ready to give up other women?
• Is she going to stay this same woman I love or is she going to change, as most women do?
• Am I going to be able to make her happy?
• Am I going to live up to her fantasies?

Do you see how different that is from how you think about marriage? That’s just one of many differences between men and women that I discovered.

What’s another? Men are driven to make their woman happy. It’s deep in their biology. If you’re unhappy, he takes it as a personal failure. Of course, we all know your happiness isn’t his responsibility, it’s yours, but he still takes it personally.

Hopefully, I’ve helped you see that your relationships with men will improve if you learn to see how they perceive the world. Then, you can communicate in new, more effective ways, and get lots more of what you want from them. The funny thing is, they want to give it to you…you just need to know how to ask.

I share all of my secrets about men in Men Made Easy, a fun, easy read that shows you how easy it is to transform your relationships with men by developing your Feminine Grace.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Women ask all the time what it means when a man becomes distant. To develop a good relationship, you need to first understand men. Without that, you’re always guessing and that usually leads to making bad choices. There can be a lot of reasons a man becomes distant. Almost always, when a man is concerned about money, job, kids, health, parents or any number of things, he will focus on whatever the problem or issue is. That’s natural for most men. If he’s just beginning to date you, you can very quickly become a distant memory.

If you know something like this is going on, then you need to back off and give him space. But too often, this is when a woman gets worried and starts to call, text, email, get clingy, nag, complain, all of which is really unattractive.

One of the most common items on most men’s list of what they find attractive is confidence. All that needy behavior is not only unattractive, it’s downright repellent. If you’re just dating, he’s likely to become even more distant until he finally quits calling all together.

My advice is always wait and watch, but take care of your own needs. Don’t ever be a doormat, just waiting around for him, but don’t be a nag either. Just give him his space, and see if he comes around. You should ONLY want to be with a man who is really excited to have you in his life. When a man becomes distant for no apparent reason, that’s rude. You shouldn’t want to be with a man who is that inconsiderate. Dating is all about learning if a man you’re seeing is someone you want to get involved with. It’s not the time to begin the formation of a relationship. If he stays distant and stops calling, what you should say to yourself is, “Thank you for letting me know sooner than later that you’re not the right man for me.”

No matter what’s going on, your ongoing job is to continue to work on yourself so you become the very best version of you, and never try to be something that you aren’t, just to please a man. Who do you want to be? How do you want to be? Get really clear about this and focus on whatever you need to do to become that woman. Everything I teach, especially to better understand men in my book, Men Made Easy, is to help you become the kind of woman a man will feel lucky to know, a woman who is happy with who she is.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer

Feminism altered how men and women perceive and interact with each other. So much so that it has been a major reason why it is so difficult for men and women to create enduring relationships that are filled with love and true intimacy. Women just don’t realize how important it is to their happiness to learn to truly understand men, rather than compete with them.

I’m old enough to have experienced life before, during and after the Feminist Movement. It started out as equality in the workplace. But it slopped over into every crevice of our society. Men and women are humans, but like apples and oranges are both fruit, they are as different as night and day. Same goes with men and women.

Women today are not just trying to be equal, often they’re actually trying to be better than men. This has pitted women against men, men have become defensive and unwilling to risk opening their hearts, and women have lost their ability to respect most men. Without respect, you can’t really build a great relationship.

In my years of studying men, I learned some profound secrets about them. Secrets that women absolutely need to know in order to create the kind of relationship that makes their hearts sing. When you learn how to encourage a man to enjoy being a man, to accept him for who he is, to really “see” him as a unique individual, he will automatically become more and more the kind of man you want.

It starts with understanding men–truly understanding them–from the inside out, so you know what’s going on in their heads and hearts. What motivates them, why they resond to you the way they do, why they fall in love, why they want monogamy and are willing to commit to a woman.

Without understanding, the competition continues, the lack of respect festers and men keep their hearts guarded, unable to risk the kind of love and intimacy both you and he crave. And worse, you don’t get to relax into the pleasure of enjoying being a woman and enjoy his masculine energy. Think about it, when you are trying to be as good as he is in every way, where is there room to enjoy what only a man can bring to your life. My job is to help you understand men in brand new ways so you both get more of what you want. That’s what makes Men Made Easy so essential to you finding happiness in a loving relationship.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

A woman wrote to me telling me she had broken up with her “boyfriend” because he needed to keep their relationship a secret. Here’s my advice to her:

When a man needs to keep a relationship secret, that’s a huge red flag that, to me, says “move on, now!” If breaking up with him didn’t cause him to realize he wanted to keep her in his life, he isn’t interested in anything other than a secret relationship. I would be surprised if he wasn’t in a relationship with another woman, or possibly married. That’s the usual reason a man keeps a woman secret. He just likes the sex.

That’s one of many reasons not to get physical with a man until you have discussed dating no one else. But before committing to dating only him, you need to be sure he’s excited about being with you. One way to know that is whether or not he is introducing you to his family and friends. If he’s not, you need to wait until he is. If you value yourself, you should not settle for a man who isn’t excited to tell the world you’re his girlfriend.

An important part of what I teach is how to develop your Feminine Grace. That means fall in love with yourself and begin to value yourself so you never settle for less than you deserve. The fact that this woman wants this man back tells me she doesn’t value herself as much as she could and should.If you want to learn how to begin to develop your Feminine Grace, which will make you more attractive to every man you meet, you will want to read my book, Men Made Easy. Plus, you’ll learn my secrets about men so you can have the kind of relationship you deserve.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

When to have sex for the first time with a new person is always an interesting dilemma. There’s so much involved in the decision: fear of pregnancy, fear of disease, fear of being labeled easy if your a woman, pushy if you’re a man, fear that you won’t click, fear that you won’t measure up, fear that it means something and you’re obligated to keep it moving forward, personal agendas of what you want it to mean, doing it because it’s expected, and on and on.

The first, and most important rule is don’t ever, ever, ever have sex unless you want to, and never because you think it will help insure the furthering of a relationship.

Generally, to have sex, most women need a man to care. If a woman isn’t sure, she’ll usually make up that he cares. False expectations get built up, and when she finds out he doesn’t care, at least in the way she thought, she can be devastated.

If you need a man to care for you before you have sex with him, then it’s important to wait till you’re certain he does.

Men not in committed relationships rarely turn down an opportunity to have sex. Even when they don’t want to, the Macho Code frequently forces them to take advantage of most any opportunity, so they do it anyway. But if it’s a woman a man is seriously interested in, he’ll often be disappointed if she’s too quick to have sex with him. He wonders if that’s the way she is with other men.

Warren Farrell says there are 150 opportunities for a man to be rejected from first eye contact to intercourse. Obviously, the sooner he has sex with a woman, the sooner that uncomfortable time of possible rejection is over.

Women often complain that after they have had sex with a man, he quits calling. Men don’t always know why they do this, but here are a couple of ideas.

He wasn’t that interested. He knows what it usually means to a woman to have sex–the escalation of the relationship. If he isn’t looking for long term that’s where he’ll cut it off. Another reason is he was in it for the challenge, the hunt, and the conquest. Once he’s achieved his goal, he’s ready to move on. He might want to stay around a bit longer, especially if the sex was good and the physical attraction is there, but again, he knows women usually make it mean something significant, and that’s not what he wants.

To be seduced by a woman is appealing but can be scary for a man. They say yes, but, just like women, they can feel used. They fear the pressure to perform, or fear the woman is after him for marriage and security.

Some say it’s okay to have sex on the third date, some say the fifth. Some much longer. There’s no magic formula. Allow however much time it takes for both of you to feel comfortable that you are entering a committed relationship, meaning, you are verbally promising to each other that you will not date anyone else and will have sex with no one else.

Sex is a deeply personal way to connect with someone so be intelligent, know your own heart, know how easily you get involved and how easily you get hurt if you begin to care. Basically, be thoughtful and aware.

Did you know that for most men, the only way they know how to be intimate? I have an entire chapter in my book, Men Made Easy, that explains why and how you can use this information to keep your relationship passionate and ever deepening in love.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

It’s a great feeling when you get what you want without asking for it. It makes you feel like the giver knew you so well. But sometimes you have to ask for what you want if you want to have any chance at getting it. This is especially true for relationships.

What Do You Need from a Romantic Relationship?

Before you can ask a man to meet your needs, you have to have a clear understanding of what they are. In order to do that, you have to look inward. What do you need from a man that you don’t already have alone? What do you want from a man? What behavior will you absolutely not tolerate from a man? Answering questions like these will help you make out a list of all of the things you want from a romantic relationship.

Armed with your list, look at the relationship you have now. Is your list being fulfilled, or are you settling? Is it somewhere in between? Now that you know where you stand, you can start to make the necessary changes. You have to remember, however, that you have to ask for what you want. Tell your partner how you feel, and challenge him to help you solve your problems and to give you the support you require. Men are natural problem-solvers and this is a better way to communicate your desires than complaining and nagging.

If you can learn more about how to get him to be more romantic you’ll want to learn the secrets I reveal in my book, Men Made Easy. This book will help you know how to get what you want from your relationship.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Life can be a celebration, filled with amazing experiences. Many of these experiences are sensual in nature. They’re all around us if we just open ourselves to them: a warm shower in the morning, a good belly laugh, the morning light behind delicate petals of a flower, the cool feel of silk, a glass of water when we’re thirsty, or the feel of skin when lovers touch.

Sex, love, and romance are thrilling in the early stages of a romance. Every touch, look, and kiss sends bolts of lightening through us. We swoon at the sight of our new lover. What’s lacking in technique is frequently made up for by the newness of the romance.

When that newness wears off what remains is the beginnings of a potentially deepening relationship, but because we frequently don’t have the tools of communication, conflict resolution, and sensual technique, we “fall out of love” and move on to the next thrilling attraction.

Sex is all about the thrills, but also the potential for deepening your committed love. The thrills of romance, sex and love; the thrills of pleasure through the senses; the thrills that go along with attraction that can turn into the thrills of love. Most of us are looking for those thrills but the love that fills our hearts is the greatest thrill of all.

If you want to guarantee the “in-love sparkles,” keep your love exciting, you’ll for sure want to know my secrets about men that are in Men Made Easy, and if you’re married and things have gotten a bit ho-hum, or worse, you’ll love Marriage Makeover Manual.

From my heart to yours,

Have you ever found yourself unable to enjoy sex because you were preoccupied with your to-do list? It’s a common complaint I get from both men and women. The busier our lives are, the more likely it will creep into the bedroom.

The best way to deal with this dilemma is, when you find yourself thinking of something other than the lovemaking, just bring your focus back to the physical sensations. You can’t think of more than one thing at a time. If you pay close attention to what you’re feeling it will allow you to immerse yourself back into the sex.

Once you’re focused on the physical sensations that you’re experiencing, then you can allow your mind to do it’s normal things, like noticing your partner, how they look, smell, taste, feel, what they’re doing to you, what you’re doing to them, and how you’re responding to each other.

Lovemaking is a time to go away from the day-to-day, to get lost in the moment. Don’t lose out on those opportunities. The to-do list will wait for you.

Did you know that for most men, the only way they know how to be intimate? I have an entire chapter in my book, Men Made Easy, that explains why and how you can use this information to keep your relationship passionate and ever deepening in love.

From my heart to yours,

It’s the out-of-the-ordinary moments that memories are made of–the blips on our screen as we look back. Those memories are usually events that someone went to some trouble to create.

A picnic, a vacation, dancing under the moonlight. Those events are what makes a relationship special. Without them, the time you spend together falls into a blur of similarity.

The more memorable moments you have to look back on, the more special your relationship. So, why not create memories on purpose? When you plan a picnic, don’t just go to the deli and pack a brown bag. Get a nice basket, maybe attach some flowers to the handle, line it with a colorful cloth, put real wine glasses in, not plastic, real silverware, cloth napkins. Make the food attractive and tasty. A nice blanket, a secluded spot. Then think of some activity that is out of the ordinary, something you’ve never done before. A game, a contest, a writing assignment. Go the extra mile and you’ll be able to add a wonderful memory to your list.

When you put some real thought and caring into the creation of an activity women feel adored and men feel appreciated. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. When I met my boyfriend for the first time he brought me a long stemmed red rose. On Valentine’s day he had one delivered. I cried for half an hour, not because a single red rose is that unique, but because the second one told me he remembered the first. Do you think either will ever be forgotten? No way.

Thoughtful surprises, special details, magical moments of intimacy. Don’t forget those little innocent comments either. I’ve mentioned on several occasions that I thought it would be nice to have something, and the next day, my husband brought it home. I’m not one to hint, but he pays attention. He may not be comfortable saying the mushy stuff like in the movies, but he loves making me feel special. That’s what memories are made of. So go ahead, plan a memory right now.

Keep your love alive with Marriage Makeover Manual.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™