Women write to me all the time wanting me to help them “guess” where they stand with a man. I always have to ask if they’ve been having sex and WAY TOO OFTEN, they are.

Here’s the rule: DO NOT have sex with a man until you feel strongly he’s someone you want to pursue a long-term relationship with. DO NOT have sex with a man until you have a verbal promise that neither of you will date anyone else and DO NOT have sex with a man until you have a verbal promise that neither of you will have sex with anyone else.

Why, as I have said in previous articles, because when you have intercourse with a man, you become chemically and emotionally bonded to him. If you don’t know where you stand with him, that is a recipe for craziness. We women go crazy when we are falling in love and we don’t know where we stand with him. How insane is that?

So the next question I get is, “So how do I back off and get that commitment from him, now that we’ve already been having sex?”

Here’s the essence of what you need to say to him, but in your own words:

“You make me feel amazing, in every way. I especially like how much I enjoy being a woman because of how you treat me. And the way you make love to me…well, that’s off the charts. I am struggling though. It goes against everything I am to continue to be physically intimate with you until I know we are not going to date anyone else, and certainly not going to have sex with anyone else. If you’re not able to do that, then it’s best if we are just friends.”

If he can’t give you those promises, then do you want to continue to live in CrazyLand?

Watch my videos on this and other relationship topics at LipSmackinLove.tv

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The qualities of Aphrodite can be compared to Feminine Grace, which I teach in my book, Men Made Easy. If you embrace what Aphrodite represents, you can develop your womanly aspects and be happier being you. If you feel unattractive, reject your passionate side, judge your body, fail to see the magic in your life, lack creativity, and are not enjoying the sensual pleasures of life, you need to invoke Aphrodite into your life.

Aphrodite is known as a goddess of love, beauty and passion. She blesses us with her gifts of radiance, joy, laughter, self-assurance, and charisma. It is said, whatever she touches turns to gold. She does this by instilling beauty into the material world. In this way, she is a goddess of transformation. When Aphrodite touches us, we feel in love with others and ourselves, we see magic in the world where before we saw none, we feel alive and may even feel a spiritual awakening.

Aphrodite rules the magnetic power of attraction between lovers. Lovers are drawn to her like honey bees to flowers. Her ability to attract lovers is truly an art form and is learned by those who learn to love themselves. Aphrodite does not depend upon the mirror of others to affirm her sexuality or beauty: it is inspired from within.

Aphrodite sees the body as her temple and all things sensual are sacred. A woman embodying the Aphrodite archetype is sensuous and very comfortable in her body, no matter what size or shape. Aphrodite enhances the senses with oils, incense, flowers, cosmetics and fragrances.

The Aphrodite woman refuses to form a permanent bond with anyone and will not be taken or possessed by another being. She is not a goddess of lasting relationships. She is a goddess of love, passion, beauty, creativity and sensual pleasure. Use Aphrodite to become a woman, fully and completely.

To discover the joy of Feminine Grace so you can better express your loving and sensuous qualities, order your own copy of Men Made Easy right how and begin the most amazing journey you’ll ever take…the journey to you.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

“The purpose of intimate partnership is for us to midwife the perfection in each other. The point of love is to reveal to us the light inside.” — From “Illuminata” by Marianne Williamson

For the average person, the way we seem to access the light inside is through crisis or heartache. Most often, that’s where we learn the greatest lessons. Every heartache, every crisis is filled with the potential for transformation. Joseph Campbell said, “Out of the darkness comes the greatest light.” We must first be willing to go into the darkness and trust we will come out better.

Love is a wonderful way to learn. Opening our heart and loving makes us vulnerable. When we’re vulnerable, we’re at greater risk of getting hurt, deeply. It also pushes our buttons. We learn how to be with another, to blend our needs that must be fulfilled. We learn from all the hurts along the way. But those hurts and upsets hold the seeds of new growth as we look at what caused them, why we reacted as we did, looking inward, then making adjustments so we can move closer to our perfection.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. Visit my website, Kara Oh.com, and my online TV show, LipSmackinLove.tv

How long has it been since you thought about why you married your husband? Been a while? Here’s another question. How long has it been since you thought about what he does that irritates, frustrates or angers you? Does the second category show up a little more often? If you want to do something nice for your marriage here’s an idea.

Do this alone or, if you have a husband who is interested in improving your marriage, do it together. I’ll assume you will do it together in hopes that you really will. First, each of you make a list of why you got married. What were your hopes, dreams, expectations? What emotional qualities did you desire? What was it about your partner that made you think you could fulfill your dreams with this person?

Now look at your list and determine, on a one to ten scale, how satisfied you are with each item. In other words, are you getting what you wanted? One is not at all, and ten is you are getting exactly what you’d hoped for. You can do less than one and more than ten.

Next, make a list of your complaints about your partner and about the state of your relationship, especially as it compares to the above list.

Now look at your list of hopes and on any items with a score with which you’re pleased, try to explain why you and your husband have enjoyed success. Then look at the items with a score with which you’re displeased and do your best to explain why the score is not higher. You might find yourself looking at the faults of your partner but you must also look at your own part in why your relationship is in the state that it is, both the good and bad aspects.

Now for possibly the most difficult part of this exercise, share you list with each other. This will take real trust and openness so keep in mind that the goal is to enrich and enhance your relationship. If you can have a truly heartfelt conversation that is non-blaming, and honest, you could find that you have ventured into a new level of intimacy with each other. This could just possibly open a door to discovering the deepest, most profound love you have ever experienced.

To learn more about how to not only improve your marriage but make it better than it’s ever been, take a look at the Marriage Makeover Manual.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

When you’re in the middle of relationship troubles, you can feel depressed and hopeless. More often than not, you’re experiencing the bulk of the suffering because your husband or boyfriend is either oblivious to the problem or insensitive to it. This can cause you to feel even more unhappy and resentful. The thing you have to remember is that it won’t change if you don’t change.

Taking Your Relationship into Your Own Hands

A lot of relationship troubles could be avoided if the woman felt truly happy, comfortable, and powerful in her own skin. Women have the unique ability to be both strong, powerful beings as well as vulnerable and emotional creatures. That paradox is one of the things that make women so fascinating and alluring to men. Too often, women embrace only one side of their personalities. They may be overly powerful and domineering, or they may be weak and insecure. In those situations, women are not owning their Feminine Grace.

Having Feminine Grace means being the strong woman who likes herself and is well-liked by others. Women with Feminine Grace are empowered by being a woman and accept with poise and dignity all of the rights and responsibilities that come with womanhood. Women who use their Feminine Grace exude beauty, confidence and sexuality from within. Men love women with Feminine Grace and they want to make them happy.

So, if you’re experiencing troubles with your relationship, why not use it as an opportunity to see what positive changes you can make in yourself? You’ll be surprised how much embracing your Feminine Grace will affect how you are treated by the man in your life.

You can learn how to develop your Feminine Grace in Men Made Easy. This book can teach you how to become the woman of his dreams.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

I get this question all the time from women around the world. Because they don’t know what I teach, I can’t give them everything in one email. And because I don’t know their situation from that one question, I can only guess. But, there is something going on around the world as women become empowered, strong, capable, and independent.

One of the things I’ve noticed over my years as a relationship adviser is that the new, powerful woman of today is in the habit of being competitive with men. They never learned how to be feminine and behave in a beautiful way. That’s why Feminine Grace is such an important part of what I teach.

Men become guarded against today’s more powerful, independent women. This is totally counter to a man’s instinctual desire to protect, provide for, and make his woman happy.

Men need to feel understood and accepted for who they are. Most women are constantly trying to get a man to change. This also puts them on guard.

After a time, these men get worn out trying to make their woman happy, when she is telling him all the time she is not happy, and exhausted from being on guard all the time.

Women have to learn to enjoy being a woman by expanding what it means to be a woman. Then they can enjoy the dance between a man and a woman. That’s the primary focus of what I teach in Men Made Easy, which includes From Flirting To Forever for women who are dating and not yet in a committed relationship. Both are essential to developing Feminine Grace. AND, I am writing Feminine Grace right now. If you want to be notified when it is available, you can go to FeminineGrace.com and register there.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

When you’re considering leaving your partner, remember that everyone has imperfections. You may want to reconsider whether you can live with your partner’s because the next person is going to have a new set of imperfections that you’re going to have to learn to accept and negotiate around. No one can, or should be, all things to us. It’s a good idea to not sweat the small stuff, because, you know what, mostly, it’s all small stuff.

If you feel you really do need to move on, then dump with style. Be kind, considerate and try to imagine what it would feel like if they dumped you. Don’t forget that they will probably tell others about being dumped and how you went about doing it, so do it in a way that will not make you look like a heartless person. And if possible, keep it friendly enough that if you feel the urge, you can send a card on their birthday.

The best words to use are something along these lines: “There are many things I like and admire about you. We’ve enjoyed great times together but I’m feeling like we just don’t have all that I’m looking for. I may regret this one day, but I think it’s best if we part so we can both find what our hearts seek.” That may be too mushy but something along those lines, where you compliment them first, acknowledge the good stuff, and let them know that it’s just not working for what you want.

Ideally, it’s nice when you can end a relationship on a loving, respectful note. Then you both can keep your dignity.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. Have you visited my online TV show lately? LipSmackinLove.tv

I have had a lot of women asking for advice about how to control their unhappy, sad and depressing thoughts about their boyfriends and husbands or their break-ups. You may not realize it, and it may not feel like it, when your mind seems to be in charge, but you have a choice in what you think about. Think of something that makes you feel good. Something you did in the past, something that makes you feel better within your body. Focus and meditate on that. Once that comes to you easily, then make a plan that when you catch yourself thinking of things that make you sad or unhappy, switch over to this new, good feeling thought. It takes practice but you can train your mind to not focus on things that bring you down.

If you DO NOT do this, it is because you prefer the sad thoughts. Something to notice. If you are not willing to do the above then you should ask yourself what kind of benefit or pay-off are you getting out of staying in these thought circles.

If you simply try what I suggest, you may surprise yourself. Watch my video on this topic in the Feminine Grace sction at LipSmackinLove.tv.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The easiest thing you can do to have an exceptional relationship is to have realistic expectations. Having realistic expectations means understanding what a man has to offer you. So many times women are hurt or frustrated when men can’t read their minds, don’t perceive a problem, or don’t share their feelings. These things upset women because they don’t understand men. Rather than trying to understand why men think and behave the way they do, women often try to change them.

Don’t Try to Change a Man

Consider the levels of development of a child. You don’t get frustrated with a one-year-old when he can’t tell you what he wants because you know that’s not in his skill set. You don’t get mad at a five-year-old when she can’t make her own dinner when she hasn’t learned how. We don’t get mad at children when they can’t do certain things because we don’t expect them to be able to do them. That same approach can be applied to male-female relationships.

There is no need to get angry, sad or frustrated with a man for acting like a man. How else are they supposed to act? Instead, consider where their actions come from. Think of what it was like to grow up to be a man and what type of pressures and expectations society put on him. If you take the time to learn about men, you’ll most likely understand him better than he understands himself. And that puts you in a unique position to be in control of your relationship.

Never try to change a man to fit your expectations. When you try to change a man, he’ll undoubtedly put up his defenses to protect himself. A man with his defenses up can never love you the way you want to be loved. You should be the safe haven for your man, the one place in the world where he can go to be completely open without fear of being attacked. If you can be that for your man, he’ll cherish you forever. To learn more about the nature of men, you should read Men Made Easy. This book is for those who are truly interested in creating and maintaining exceptional relationships that last.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Because women are more intuitive and introspective than men, women are usually the first ones to perceive when there’s a problem in their relationship. If you feel like you’re the only one who’s noticing when you and your partner are not as intimately connected or if you’re having communication problems, you probably are. It’s in a woman’s nature to look inward and to continuously assess how a relationship is going. Men do not naturally do this–a fact that can be very frustrating for women.

Being able to see and feel when there’s a problem in a relationship is both a blessing and a curse. As they say, “Ignorance is bliss.” Often men will glide through a relationship completely unaware that there is any problem. Meanwhile, the woman is suffering through the frustration and resentment the problem creates. That’s the curse. On the other hand, the blessing is that when you know something is wrong, you can take the steps to fix it.

It Takes Work

Some women think that the perfect relationship is effortless. They think if you’re in love, you should not have to work to stay that way. The truth is, the perfect relationship is ever evolving and takes effort. The effort required is to understand the man you pledge to love. You have to understand that men are complicated individuals. They’re not just one thing. They’re not just strong, or powerful, or supportive. They can also be tender, needy, and emotional. Allowing a man to be his full self with you is one way you can improve your relationship.

If you’re looking to improve your relationship, you have to be willing to make some changes in yourself. It’s neither productive nor wise to expect to change your man to improve your relationship. The only thing you can absolutely control is your own attitude, outlook, and behavior. When you do so, he’ll change by how he responds to the changes you make within yourself.

How can you better see his side of an issue? How can you be more supportive so that he feels safe enough to work with you to solve the problem? How can you treat your partner in more “beautiful” ways so that both your hearts stay open to why you’re together…because you love each other. If you lose sight of that one thing, your relationship has nowhere to go but down.

If you want to learn more about how you can make positive changes in your relationships with men, you’ll want to learn the secrets in Men Made Easy. Whether you’re looking to improve a relationship with a husband, boyfriend, or just men in general, this book can give you the tools and insights you need.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™