I was having coffee with a friend the other morning and she said she has so many women friends who are in their 50′s and 60′s, some never married, who don’t go out, then complain all the time there are no good men out there.

Finding your life partner is a numbers game. Even if you hire a Matchmaker, or go online, you can’t expect the first man you meet to be the right one. Yes, it could happen, but there’s a reason you need to commit to keep dating and going out as often as you can. If you are seriously looking for that special man, never turn down an invitation. You’ve got to get out there and meet lots and lots of people.

If you say you want to find a partner, but you don’t get out, guess what, you’re not even a tiny bit committed to making it happen. He is not going to walk up to your door and announce, “Hi, I heard you were looking for me. So let’s get on with our perfect relationship.”

Join organizations that interest you (but don’t go to things that will have only or even mostly women). Take classes (same rule applies). Dancing lessons, sports that you enjoy and junior college or adult ed classes.

Say yes to every social invitation. But do go to things that interest you so you will have at least that in common with whomever you might meet. And remember it’s not just about meeting single men. Everyone knows at least one single man. You might meet a married man or woman, or a single woman who would be thrilled to fix you up. You have to keep yourself open to those possibilities all the time.

Here’s a great idea for meeting new people. Invite your friends to your home for a little party. Tell each person, man or woman, they have to bring a single friend of the opposite sex. Not only will everyone have a chance to find a potential romance, there will also be opportunities to meet a new girlfriend. Plus, your social sphere will grow, which means more opportunities to be invited to fun events.

If you want it you’ve got to put out the effort. How committed are you? You may say you’re committed but how much you’re willing to work to make good things happen is the real truth.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh
Learn to be the woman he’ll fall in love with: Men Made Easy.com

Every morning I’m greeted with an inbox filled with emails trying to entice me to want to  enlarge my you-know-what. Well, being a woman, I don’t have a you-know-what; so I sure wish I could get off of that list. After reading the subject lines this morning, most of which I can’t share in mixed company, I got to thinking: What if that same level of energy, time, and effort was used to inspire men (and women) to want to become great lovers? Rather than “ride her hard”, what if it said, “Make her feel more loved than ever before in her life.” Naaah… you’re right… that wouldn’t sell.

If these emails are any indication of how removed from what lovemaking is all about, we’re living in a very sad, lonely time. Sure, size matters, but only a little, and only as a bonus. No matter how large a man is, if he doesn’t have any style, doesn’t know the value of taking his time, doesn’t notice what makes his partner’s toes curl, isn’t aware of what puts a purr in her voice, then he’s a lousy lover… no matter his size or endurance level. And the same goes for women.

Are there any men left who would admit that being a great lover means just that, being a great lover? Making “love”… see those two words… making love. I’m the Heart Specialist™ and the message I want to get across to everyone who will listen is this: If you want to have a better relationship than you’ve ever experienced before, you’ve got to learn to create a heart-to-heart connection as your natural way of being. It’s simple to do once you know the steps required to make that happen, just as learning any new skill. Focusing on size is so removed from what really matters that is makes me sad that there are a lot of people who are finishing their so-called intimate time completely unfulfilled. (Oops, I just got another email: Longer, harder… Sheesh.)

What do you think it would be like to make love and when you’re both laying there, spent, you hold each other, needing to squeeze each other so hard you’re afraid you’ll break, amazed at how overflowing with love you both feel? That’s what can happen when you learn to shift your focus, your attitude, and your thinking.

The “greening” of love is a worthy endeavor because when you learn how to do that, you’ll tranform every relationship and every aspect of your life. Switch to a heart-centered perspective, rather than a “me” perspective, and I guarantee you’ll experience life in a way that will be so satisfying you’ll wonder if you’re the same person. Trust me, after living 40 years as an insecure (read self-centered) person, life is sooooo much better now that I’ve learned to become a good (and according to my fiance’) a great lover, and we’re not just talking about what goes on in the bedroom. Learn to “green” your relationships, meaning, wrap your arms around other people (just like you’re being asked to wrap your arms around our precious Earth) and your heart will begin to overflow with love. What a bigger life you’d be living. And we’re not talking about your you-know-what.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh

Read articles, take love tests, learn about men:
AliveWithLove.com

I’ve believed a woman should wait until the man says “I love you” first, but I’ve felt like it’s just because it feels so good when the man does the pursuing. You know, that man/woman thing. But while I was exercising I was watching a re-run of Sex In the City. Carrie had told Big that she loved him, but he didn’t say it back. From then on it became a big thing with hours of conversations with the other woman and much emotional  fretting.  So now I see that that’s the reason women should wait. Because if they wait, all they worry about is ‘when will he say it?’ But if the woman says it first and he doesn’t say it back, she gets to go into emotional breakdown until he either says it, or she dumps him because he’s taken too long.

So back to my previous reason to let him go first… it feels great and, having said it first myself, that just feels awful when he obviously doesn’t know what to say. Yikes, talk about embarrassing. Let him be embarrassed if he says it to you and you don’t know what to say.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™

Get a man to fall in love with you:
Men Made Easy.com

I saw this video this morning on the wall of a Facebook friend. It made me think about one of the biggest problems, as I see it, that causes women to have difficulty finding the man they seek. When I ask them what they’re looking for, they go down their laundry list of what they want. Then I ask them what they have on their list of what they have to offer. This is often met with a blank look of confusion or embarrassment. This song is a wonderful lesson in what it takes to create a great relationship. It has to go both ways:

A wonderful tribute to love. I would recommend you make a list of what you have to offer the man with the qualities (and material goodies) on your “what you’re looking for” list. Could be a nice lesson in self-discovery.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh
My book can get you where you want to go:
Men Made Easy – MenMadeEasyEbook.com

I seem to always be harping on “being” beautiful… but it’s because that is the best way to get men to respond positively to you and most important, once he’s fallen in love with you, it keeps him in love. In my book, Men Made Easy, I explain that it’s your inner beauty, what I call Feminine Grace, that causes a man to love you and want to develop a long-term relationship with you. And how we treat a man, and everyone else, is a reflection of our inner beauty. Men can get pretty attached to a woman’s outer beauty, but if she is sour, never happy or beats him up all the time, he’s eventually going to get worn out and leave. And he can’t and won’t explain why. He just knows he no longer feels good being around her.

Sometimes it feels like we can’t help being ‘ugly.’ I’ve noticed when I have one little, tiny, itsy, bitsy thing cause me to get a little bit off center, then the next thing, which could be just as insignificant, causes me to react more strongly than if that first thing hadn’t pushed my buttons. Then the next little thing causes me to over react even more… and on and on.

Does that happen to you? Once that gets started then everything seems to upset me. I call this the Doo-Doo Magnet Syndrome. It’s like you become a magnet for doo-doo once you are even a little bit upset. The reason this make you “ugly” is because you generally get whiny, cranky, pissy, angry, negative, and sometimes all the above. Completely the opposite of beautiful.

Here’s what I do when I want to stop the cycle: I switch over to thinking of my many blessings, all that I’m grateful for. It’s not always easy, and usually not instantaneous, but if I want to shift back to my usual happy self and get back into my attractive energy, it always disconnects the doo-doo magnet and makes me feel a whole lot better.

Try it the next time the doo-doo starts piling up. You’ll be much more beautiful. If you don’t want to try it, it simply means you like being ugly. That’s certainly your prerogative but not conducive to creating a loving relationship, and certainly will never, ever make you attractive to a man, at least not a healthy man.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh
Men Made Easy will teach you how to be beautiful from the inside out

Professor Richard Wiseman, PhD, author of Quirkology says the pick-up line that works 100% of the time is, “If you were going to be a pizza topping, what topping would you be?”

What makes a pick-up line work? Any question that gets someone to relax, open up and talk about themselves. This question is not at all intimidating and certain to illicit a fun conversation.

The line I have recommended over the years is, “If you had superpowers, how would you use them?” This question is fun and it tells you something about a person’s values. If they want to gain power for themselves or if they want to do good tells you what they care about, at least at that particular time in their life. No broad judgments should be made because of their answer, however. If they’re focused on their career and getting ahead they may want to use their power to advance their success.

You can follow up with a question about how caring they are such as, “Is there a way you would use your powers to help others?” Then see how they answer. When you’re looking for that special person the list of what you’re looking for should include kindness. You definitely want someone who is kind and thoughtful.

Make up a few of these kinds of questions so you’re equipped when you want to create a fun conversation.

In any conversation, the most important aspect of being a good conversationalist is BE A GREAT LISTENER. That means don’t interrupt, keep asking questions about what they just shared, be genuinely interested and say, “Tell me more.”

Most people don’t get the pleasure of really being listened to so you’ll stand out as an amazing woman when you really listen to someone. But when you’re getting to know a new man pay attention to whether he asks you questions. If he doesn’t, that’s a sign that he might be self-centered or maybe nervous because he’s attracted to you. If he hasn’t asked you any questions you should offer your answer to the same question. If he doesn’t listen that’s a sign he’s either not that interested in you or he’s just rude. Either way,  your response should be, “Next!”

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh
For articles, love tests and advice visit
AliveWithLove.com

got this email this morning from a woman seeking advice. Below is my advice to her as well as all women who are ruining a perfectly good relationship because they’re focused on the wrong thing:

Hi Kara,
I was wondering if you could help me, i love my boyfriend but he is not the romantic man i want, i really want to enjoy every bit of our relationship, i love surprises and all these sweet little things but it seems like its all faraway from him. He is an alright person he loves me and he loves and cares about my family but i really want him to be romantic!  Help me spice  my relationship
Thanx, Chloe

Dear Chloe,
Some men just aren’t going to offer the kind of romance you have in mind. It’s unfair to put that on him if he’s a loving, respectful, supportive, good  man. If you complain you’re telling him that he’s not okay the way he is, that he’s a failure at making you happy, that what he does do isn’t enough, etc. All this is emasculating and that’s the very worst thing a woman can do to a man. If everything else is good about him then you will probably blow it and chase him away.

The best way to get him to do something for you is say, “It would make me really happy if you would ___________” (Example: buy me flowers once in a while. It would make me feel really special and loved.) Then let it go. If he doesn’t remember, LET IT GO!

If he just isn’t going to do the things you have decided are romantic then you need to find something about him that IS romantic. Does he tell you he loves you? Does he walk up to you and share a hug or a kiss? Does he cuddle with you? Does he hold your hand when you’re at the movies? Does he buy you dinner? These are all romantic gestures. Focus on the things he DOES do, not what he doesn’t.

Don’t throw away a good man simply because you’ve got a fantasy about what’s romantic. Open your heart and see things from his perspective instead of just yours. Be compassionate. He was brought up to “be a man” which means don’t do sissy things. Mushy, romantic stuff is generally sissy stuff. Why in the world would he be expected to turn that on when he meets a woman when his entire life has probably been to teach him to turn that part of himself off. Give him a break.

When he does do something that you feel is romantic then appreciate the heck out of him. Tell him how much you appreciate what he did, how feminine it makes you feel, how taken care of, how much his thoughtfulness means to you. And get sexy if that’s part of your relationship. That will get his attention. If you’re not at that stage then a sexy kiss will do. He’ll begin to get the point. It’s a subtle way to train a man. He wants to please you, make you happy, and get more sexy action from you. as my grandmother used to say, you can get more with honey than vinegar.

I hope that helps calm you and maybe get you a little bit of romance. But remember, he’s already being romantic, just not in the way you’ve fantasized. Find that romance and start to enjoy it. Then appreciate him for what he does do and he’ll probably do more of it.

From my heart to yours,
Kara
For articles, love tests and advice visit
AliveWithLove.com

In a Bottom Line Personal there was an article titled The Music Cure. It talked about the healthy benefits of music from pain relief, heart help, help for stroke and Parkinson’s patients, dementia relief, and breathing difficulties.

I’m working on a book titled Flirting Made Easy. In my books and articles and on my radio show, I try to inspire you to focus on being happier, with the added benefit of being more attractive.

To that end, music is something that I encourage, and that you should dance and sing as often as possible. It makes sense that if it can help with physical ailments, it certainly can improve our spirits. That’s not news. But seeing that article made me realize I should remind you that for your physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being, you should listen to, dance to, sing to and play music that makes your heart soar. You’ll be happier, more pleasant to be around, sexier, and more attractive. Not a bad return for something as tiny as a CD.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara
For articles, love tests and articles visit
AliveWithLove.com

Modern women are used to going after what they want and many have successfully “landed their man.” But there are risks that are often subtle and go unnoticed. The primary risk is that men don’t like aggressive women. At least not when it comes to having one of their primary manly jobs taken from them.

Your power lies not in doing the pursuing but making it easy to be pursued. That way you get to have the fun of being the tempting woman he can’t get off of his mind and he gets to enjoy being the man. Some men are too dense to notice some of what you are doing so with that kind of guy, you need to be more direct. Instead of asking him out on a one-on-one date, why not ask him to a group activity? It’s still a date but not in the traditional sense where the man asks, picks you up and pays.

Even on an online dating web site, wait to be pursued. Put your photo up, make yourself sound fun and interesting, then wait to be approached. When I did some online dating, I broke my rule twice. After waiting for two men whose photos I liked to write to me, I finally wrote to them. We emailed, then talked on the phone and with both of them, I learned quickly that they weren’t anyone I wanted to meet. But I allowed myself to be badgered into meeting them. And I broke another one of my rules by driving to where they lived, rather than having them come to me. Both of them were jerks. Fortunately not dangerous, but I ignored my red flags, my gut and my rules. Why do lessons have to be so painful to learn?

You can pursue any man you want to. But if you want to enjoy being the woman you need to let him be the man. The most important secrets in my book, Men Made Easy, is “A Man Wants a Woman Who Makes Him Feel Like a Man.” So let him be the man, give him the opportunity to be your hero by letting him pursue you. Notice I used the word ‘let.’ What I teach is to empower women. You’re always in charge because you guide everything from the first moment.

Use your charm, your beauty, your sense of humor, your hobbies and interests to show him who you are. In my upcoming book, Flirting Made Easy, it’s all about developing dazzling energy. You want him to have difficulty keeping you off of his mind. What is it about you that makes you extra special? Dangle it in front of him then wait for him to take the next step. If he’s interested, and not too intimidated, he’ll go for it. Men need a 90% signal that it’s okay to approach you so put on that charm and see what happens.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
Read articles, take love tests at:
AliveWithLove.com
Learn about Men Made Easy

Do you have a long list that describes the man you’re looking for? That’s good. Make it as long as you want. But when it comes to dating and finding the right man for you, how strict are you about that list? The longer the list of what you absolutely have to have, the less likely you’ll ever find your Mr. Right.

Too often, women go on a first date with their laundry list and start ticking off each item. The men say they feel like they’re being interviewed. Too many women – and men – say no to someone because of things that, in the long run, don’t have anything to do with creating a fulfilling, enduring relationship.

Sure, go ahead and make your list, but the only things that should really matter are:

• You enjoy each others company
• You respect and admire each other
• You share common values
• You have compatible convictions
• You genuinely like each other

So, make your list, then let go of everything except those things that have to do with what kind of man he is, then allow magic to happen. It doesn’t matter how tall he is or how much hair he has if you really care about being with someone you truly care about.

Your energy has to be open to receive and your heart has to be open for magic to happen. When you’re focused on your list, your energy is in a hard, rigid place, not soft and perceptive like it needs to be to notice those more subtle things that lie just beneath the surface. And if you’re open and curious about what kind of man he is and what kind of match he’ll be for you, your energy will be inviting to him. You do want him to be attractive to him, don’t you?

Next date, just have fun and see what unfolds.

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Whisperer™

For articles, love tests and more, visit:
AliveWithLove.com
To become the kind of woman he’ll adore:
MenMadeEasyEbook.com