An ongoing topic for women is sharing their frustration about why a man doesn’t call back. They delve into each little detail of the encounter, like a miner ankle-deep in a stream, panning for gold. Whether a chance meeting at the supermarket, after what seemed like a made-in-heaven first date, or worse, after a night of fantastic love-making, the anguished cry from women across the world is, “Why hasn’t he called back?”

The specifics are as varied as are the men and women involved. But there are 2 primary reasons that women should learn to accept for their own well-being. I came up with these 2 reasons many years ago when I was doing a lot of radio interviews on my book tour. So when “He’s Just Not That Into You” became popular, I was very happy because I knew it would help women let go and move on.

So here are my 2 reasons men don’t call back:

1. He’s not ready.
2. You’re not the right one.

The first has a variety of meanings. It could be that he’s at a stage in his life when he just wants to date around, only looking for casual affairs. Yes, even if the sex was great. Most men don’t start thinking of settling down until their friends start getting married, or they start to feel like the old guy at the usual hang-outs. So be grateful when a guy who isn’t ready for a committed relationship lets you know sooner than later.

Another reason a man isn’t ready is because he wants to have his financial life on track. Let’s be real here. If you’re of baby-making age, he’s aware that at some point, it’s likely he’ll be carrying the entire financial burden, at least while take off work. So commitment, which often leads to marriage, is a really huge idea for him to wrap his mind around. (On this topic, my belief is that children need to have one of their parents stay home until they enter school. But only if you want a secure, well-adjusted child.)

If you’re past baby-making most men in this age group have been divorced at least once, and generally, have been burned financially and emotionally. (Of course, women suffer emotionally but men suffer in silence, and, women generally suffer more financially but cutting a man’s income and net worth is a bit like cutting off parts of his manly anatomy.)

So when it comes to commitment, most men are pretty cautious. And they look at the practicalities, not so much the fantasy.

Now, about the 2nd reason. If you’re not the right one, there’s not much you can do about that. Men generally have a very short list of what they’re looking for. If they have 5 items on their list, and one of those is missing, that’s a big percentage of what he’s looking for. Unless you’re dynamite in every other category, he’s going to keep looking. And face it, if he’s not physically attracted to you, it’s unlikely that you can change his interest level.

But here’s where you have a lot of power… if he’s not ready, but getting close, you actually can influence him. The way to do that is to do the work on yourself to become “the right one” for a wider range of men. When you do this, you give yourself more choices. It actually puts you in the driver’s seat, rather than waiting for a man to want you. That’s one of the things I do… teach women to become “the right one” for a wider range of men. Here’s a hint about how to do that: Improve your attitude and improve your outlook on life. The more positive a woman you are, the more attractive you’ll be… to all men.

The way you influence a man who’s almost ready, or even better, definitely ready and searching for his ideal partner, is to cause him to realize that he can’t stand the thought of losing you. Isn’t that an enticing thought? You have the power to become that kind of woman but it won’t happen on it’s own and it won’t happen without a strong desire and will from you. Take notice because here’s the primary reason to embark on this most fascinating journey of your life: You will benefit more than you can imagine.

If you’re ready to make some improvements in your life, you should definitely visit The School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace where you can learn to become the woman he can’t stand the thought of losing.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh: KaraOh.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Start dating smart: DateSmartWinHisHeart.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy

I was talking with a woman recently – around 50 years old – who was really interested  when I told her I was a Relationship Mentor. She said she was looking for a great guy. Then she went into a description of her more recent experiences with men.

When she was asking me about my work, she was animated and bright-eyed. When she started talking about her experiences with men, her face became a scowl and her energy got dark and angry.

When I offered a few pointers on how she could change her outcome, everything about her told me, “I am locked into my belief that men are jerks, there aren’t any good ones left, and I’m not willing to waste my time trying to meet a good man.” Her words, her tone of voice, her body language, her facial expressions… everything was shut down to hearing anything I had to offer. In her mind, she was right and I wasn’t about to change that.

When I thought about this later, I realized that a lot of women are stuck in this same way of thinking. Let me ask you this: If you are trying to meet your soul mate and you are harboring those kind of thoughts about men – that they’re jerks – do you think you’ll be putting out attractive energy?

This is a perfect example of “What you put out into the universe, you get back.” In other words, when you think men are jerks, you’re going to be searching for verification that you’re right… and guess what? You’ll find examples everywhere.

I rarely meet jerky men. In fact, most men I meet are lovely. But I’m open to them, interested, appreciative, and have a desire to have a heart-to-heart connection with them. And that’s what I get back in return.

So take a personal inventory of how you really feel about men. Make a list of what’s good about men, and on the other side, what’s bad about them. Notice which list is longer. And even more important, notice the energy you feel inside your body as you read each list. You’ll know whether you need to alter some of your thinking.

And if you’re in a relationship or dating someone and wanting him to fall madly in love with you… so much so that he can’t stand the thought of ever losing you, you can’t make that happen if you have any “Men are jerks” thoughts bouncing around in your head. No matter how attractive or sexy you are, if you don’t know how to make him feel like a man he’ll eventually leave you.

Many women think men are jerks because that’s what they attract. If you’re tired of that, take my course, How To Recognize The Right Man For You. You’ll be amazed how fuzzy your picture of Mr. Right has been. To get what you want you need clarity. This course will give you that and a whole lot more.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Start dating smart: DateSmartWinHisHeart.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

Someone received a message from me and at the bottom after my name I always put The Heart Whisperer™ and Director of The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace. I got the following message back from one man:

Sounds good. But how do you teach seduction? I learned from Playboy. (A lot of good it did me)

Here’s my response to him:

There’s an art to seduction. When a woman is being blatantly sexy, she’s not being seductive. And when a man is just trying to get into a woman’s panties, that’s not seduction. Watch some old Carey Grant movies. A man who honors who a woman is, who is respectful, playful in a gentlemanly way, who takes his time with each step of the process of seduction, is what a woman will want. When I used to teach my sex workshops I brought in a panel of men or women, depending on the gender of the audience. Whenever I asked the women what I should tell the men, they always said to tell them to SLOOOOOOW down.

Obviously, there’s more to it than that, but hopefully you get my drift. There’s an entire community online called PUA. Stands for Pick Up Artists. That is definitely not seduction.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh: KaraOh.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy

This was a comment from Rob when he commented on a note I had sent him on Facebook:

Director of the School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace? I guess from your profile that you walk your talk. And what about us poor fellas that could really use some masculine grace?

Here’s my response to him:

Probably the male version of grace would be a quiet power, polished, smooth and in control of his body. A graceful athlete is a thing to behold. As you probably know, a lot of men are a bit unconscious about their bodies and don’t understand that a “graceful” man is sexy and very masculine. Think Cary Grant.

For men who don’t know what it means to have polish, grace and heart-melting masculinity, watch a few Cary Grant movies. Pierce Brosnon is the closest actor I can think of who has those qualities.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh: KaraOh.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com

I’ve been having fun on Facebook and have gotten to know some very interesting people. When looking around for “friends” to connect with, I’m fascinated to see what poses and attire some women choose for their photos. I’d love to write to them to ask if they are looking for nookie and not friends. If I was a man, I would not think of anything other than nookie.

This idea of what message a woman is sending got me to thinking that I should say something to you about what to wear on a date.

So here are: 3 Ways To Send The Right Message With Your Appearance

1) If you’re looking for someone to marry or create a long-term relationship with, you need to wear something that is flattering and shows off the best aspects of your figure, but without doing anything suggestive. Don’t wear anything that shows cleavage. I’m sorry but the message gets clouded when you’re being blatantly s•e•x•ual. And even the most gentlemanly man will be distracted. Besides, you don’t want a man to date your bre*asts, you want him to date you, the person within.

2) Don’t be too perfectly put together or over the top. The more extreme your attire the more you narrow the number of men who will find you attractive. If you’re over 35, you’re already dealing with a dwindling number of men who will be interested, simply because you are over 35. So dress flattering but relaxed, feminine, soft, pretty. That doesn’t mean ruffles and lace, just be more unstructured. Especially don’t wear business attire. He’s learned to ignore that the women he works with are female so don’t look like what he deals with professionally.

3) Don’t be extreme in your hair and make-up. If you wear your hair teased and sprayed, in any kind of a severe style or cut, you are, once again, narrowing the field of possibilities. Keep your hair soft and touchable and your cut flattering and feminine. I used to have ultra short hair and everyone said I looked great in it. It was flattering but severe, striking but not enticing.

The same goes for make-up. The more extreme, the fewer men will be interested. So keep your eye shadow neutral, no blue or purple, certainly not that awful pink that makes a woman look ill. Keep the rouge a natural glow and your lipstick flattering but not too red. Everything should be kissable, not scary. And gloss should not be used or at least, kept at a minimum. Most men say they don’t want to get near that “gook” as they call it.

If you’re not sure about how you put yourself together, ask a friend or hire a wardrobe consultant. You want to look as fresh, youthful but age-appropriate, natural, and as fun as possible. If you’ve gotten in the habit of dressing over the top or at the other end, matronly, it’s time for an intervention.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Start dating smart: DateSmartWinHisHeart.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

One of the biggest mistakes women make is that they pummel the man with questions that make him feel like he’s there for a job interview. “Do you want to get married?” “By when?” “Do you want children?” “How soon and how many?” “What kind of job do you have?” “Do you own your own home?” “Where is your home?” Do you see how a man might react to this type of questioning? A date should be fun, not torture. (Yes, men do this as well, but not nearly as often.)

On the first date, there should be 3 goals:
1. Help him feel relaxed (which helps you feel relaxed),
2. enjoy each others company,
3. learn about each other in a fun way.

Remember, this is not the first step to the alter. It’s just a date. and should just be a fun time getting to know a new man. Period.

With the following questions, you can achieve all 3 of the above goals. That’s because they’re playful, curious, not intimidating, and you can both answer the questions, creating a fun conversation where you can relax, enjoy each other and learn who the other person is. But don’t go down the list, one after the other. Just work them into the conversation naturally. And don’t forget the first rule of being a great conversationalist: be a good listener.

Here are 6 first date questions:

1. What historical figure would you like to talk to and what would you say?
2. What do you think people most admire about you?
3. What makes you unique.
4. What are you really good at?
5. What is your favorite way to spend time with friends?
6. What are you most proud of?

If you like these questions, in my Date Smart and Win His Heart ebook, there are more first date questions and several second and third date questions. Each list is designed to go a little deeper into who each of you are, but in a fun and non-threatening way.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh: KaraOh.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Start dating smart: DateSmartWinHisHeart.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy

I was coaching a woman recently and she mentioned that it was uncomfortable to give compliments, appreciation and acknowledgments. (For this discussion, let’s call them CA&As)

As you may have noticed, I call myself The Heart Whisperer™. So I always come from the perspective of opening my heart to the other person’s.

The simplest way to get past any discomfort you might be having offering CA&As is to do the following:

A. Remember that everyone, I mean everyone, craves CA&As. Even the most famous, powerful and wealthy. Actually, the desire for CA&As is what drives many who have achieved much.

B. Realize that offering any one of the CA&As sincerely, will make the other person feel good. Part of sincerity is to only offer a CA&A when you feel compelled to do so, not to get someone to like you or to manipulate them in any way. Yes, I advise strongly that part of dating smart is to offer CA&As often. But they need to come from your heart to be sincere. You must really mean it, be truly impressed and then enjoy offering it.

C. Expect nothing in return. Look at any offering of CA&As as little gifts, wrapped up with a bow, simply to make someone feel good. If you imagine that your heart energy is reaching out to theirs then it will become easy to CA&A just about anyone.

And on that note, if you have been uncomfortable giving compliments, appreciation and acknowledgments, it seems reasonable that you would need to practice. So the best way to practice is to start with little children. They are always the least intimidating.

I try to avoid telling a child they’re cute or pretty. We focus too much on appearances so I don’t want to add to that. So I often look for the one thing that might become an issue later in life. If they have freckles, tell them how special and unique their freckles make them, or if they have red hair, tell them how beautiful their hair is, or if it’s a little boy, tell them, “Wow, I really like your red hair. It’s great.” Whenever you can, end by telling them how smart they are.

Realize that you could be that stranger they remember who made them feel good about themselves when everyone around them is putting them down. Or if a little boy jumps off a step, tell him how strong or athletic or powerful he is. Can you feel how this type of awareness and caring comes from the heart? Once you become a natural at doing this with children, start doing the same thing with adults who are completely un-intimidating.

Offer CA&As at work, to your family, to your friends, and yes, even to the men you date. As you become comfortable with each stage, you’ll eventually become a natural at offering CA&As and a side affect is that you will be liked by others more than ever.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh: KaraOh.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Start dating smart: DateSmartWinHisHeart.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy

Have you created any heart connections with others lately?

Sometimes life gets so busy we forget… I know I do. I’ve had a few lately. Sitting here in Hawai’i, feeding the birds on the lawn in front of our deck, I realize that an important heart connection to make is with ourselves. And being in nature seems to elicit those heart connections more effortlessly than just about anything else. Abraham Maslow calls them Peak Experiences.

When we can slow down enough to just “enjoy the birds” we have a better chance of just “being.” That slowing down allows the magic of heart connections to happen.

Two days ago a little brown bird came and visited me. He actually preferred eating out of my hand. I know this because there was food on the floor, the table, my chair and my hand. That little brown bird has been one the highlight of this two week vacation. This moment could have happened if I hadn’t slowed down. In the moments we can feel our hearts swelling with awe, we have a heart connection with ourselves and with God. After all, at our core is our God-self.

This evening we’re going to scuba dive with manta rays so I’m open to another delightful heart connection… with myself, with God and with those beautiful manta rays.

Another benefit of making opportunities to have heart connections is when we are in that state of being, we’re practicing how to love. Actually, we can use those moments as a chance to practice just being in that state of openness so that when we interact with others, we are less and less likely to get triggered by our “stuff.” Just another good reason to spend time in nature.

Make at least one heart connection today, even it it’s with yourself…

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
“I’ll help you Jump Start Your Heart™”
The School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Get 3 free gifts: WomanToWomanHeartToHeart.com
Dating advice: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

he point of this post is to help us soften our hearts. Because if we can’t do that, we can’t attract or keep the love we want.

A heart connection with traffic? This may seem impossible, at least for those of us who drive in LA traffic, but it really did happen to me and I want to share my experience with you.

I was sitting in a doctor’s office last week. I had to be there for an 8 a.m. appt. Bad time for planning around the traffic. So I had to leave 40 minutes early for a 20 minute drive.

While I was sitting there, looking out at Pacific Coast Highway, I had this moment of awareness. That wasn’t traffic out there, it was a huge number of people with hearts that were all seeking love, appreciation and acknowledgment. They just happened to be going somewhere all at the same time. Thus, traffic and congestion.

I realized I would never look at traffic the same way again. Yes, I’m sure I’ll get angry once in a while but that usually only happens when I don’t plan well enough. But I won’t forget that every one of those people in each of those cars is a person who simply wants love.

I hope that helps keep your blood pressure down the next time you get caught on a busy street. And I hope it’s a reminder of how easy it is to keep our hearts open, soft and loving.

Make at least one heart connection today, even it it’s with yourself…

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
“I’ll help you Jump Start Your Heart™”
The School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Get 3 free gifts: WomanToWomanHeartToHeart.com
Dating advice: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

When your heart is wide open and celebrating life, it feels wonderful. It’s like you’re in love with everything and everyone. But when money worries slip in your open heart can clamp down hard.

Everyone has a ruling Heart Condition that keeps trying to run the show and interfere with your ability to love and enjoy life. But there are other, general heart conditions that can hit every one of us… at the same time. Right now, with what is going on in the economy, and the uncertainty, we’re all at risk of suffering from the same heart condition.

When there’s a mass heart attack going on, like now, we either open our hearts to each other, as happened to a lot of people during the Katrina crisis, or, they can shut off from each other, which is more likely to happen during a financial crisis.

Men are especially vulnerable to shutting off when financial fears are in the forefront. Not because you don’t have fears as well, but for men, it cuts at the core of who they are as men. It has to do with ego (sense of self), ability to provide, image, “face” (as the Chinese mean it), security and capability.

So when you interact with men, especially if he is a husband or boyfriend, know that they are not feeling very manly, that they are insecure, which they don’t like. To avoid being too vulnerable and revealing their fears to you, the close down. Don’t take it personally. Most men simply don’t know how to reach out at the times they need conneciton the most.

And if they want to have sex, say yes because for many man, actually most men, that’s they only way they know how to be intimate. And they need the connection that intimacy brings. Give your husbands and boyfriends that connection and you’ll benefit by feeling closer.

Make at least one heart connection today, even it it’s with yourself…

Until next time…

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
“I’ll help you Jump Start Your Heart™”
Revive your marriage: MarriageMadeEasyEbook.com
Understand the inner workings of men: MenMadeEasyEbook.com
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Become a member: WomanToWomanHeartToHeart.com
Get dating advice: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com