When I was doing my research for Men Made Easy, one question I always asked men was, “What do you find most attractive about a woman?” You would be surprised how often they said confidence. When you lack confidence, your energy is actually repellent. People don’t want to be around you, and in fact, they avoid you.

Here are steps you can take to slowly build you your confidence. This is an article I have on some of my websites, but it’s always good to be reminded:

Is shyness or insecurity keeping you from being happy and having what you want?

Men agree that one of the most attractive qualities in a woman is when she’s self-assured, likes herself, is comfortable with who she is, likes how she looks and most importantly, she’s happy. It’s impossible to be all those things when you’re shy or insecure. And being happy and being shy are two opposites.

Being shy is a state of mind and can be changed with practice. The more you describe yourself as shy, the more you believe it to be who you are.

Shyness stops you from having fun. I know because I used to be shy and insecure, thinking people would rather not have me around. I realized one day that I was being very self-centered.

Shyness and insecurity means you’re worrying about how other people see YOU, how they feel about YOU, and how they judge YOU. Turn it around and begin to see that most people are shy, at least some of the time, and usually waiting for someone to make the first move.

Do you admire those people who can go up to anyone, introduce themselves, and begin a conversation? Well, you can become that kind of person, the kind of person people enjoy having around.

Here’s how to get rid of that totally useless shyness that’s holding you back from enjoying the good stuff in life.

Stage One: (Remember: They’re a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)

1) Practice smiling in front of the mirror. Often, when we’re shy we think we’re smiling but our mouths don’t show it.The best way to do this is to look away from the mirror, smile, then look in the mirror. Is your smile big enough for someone else to notice? Keep practicing and be sure to include your eyes in your smile as well. Otherwise, it looks fake.

2) Now that you have practiced developing a warm and friendly smile, begin smiling at strangers who don’t intimidate you.

3) When that becomes completely comfortable, start smiling at people who do intimidate you, like nice looking men, but not those who you’re attracted to. When that becomes comfortable, start smiling at men you do find attractive.

4) Start saying hello to people who don’t intimidate you.

5) When that feels comfortable, start saying hello to people who do intimidate you, working up to the scariest.

6) Start complimenting people who don’t intimidate you. Find something about them like a color they’re wearing, a dress, a tie, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as your intention is to sincerely make them feel good.

7) When that becomes comfortable, compliment scarier and scarier people as you become comfortable with each new level.

Start flirting with people who don’t intimidate you. I don’t mean sexual flirting. I mean get them to laugh, play with them, compliment them and tease them in nice ways. A great way to learn to flirt in this way is to start with kids. The same kinds of silly, friendly things you can say to a child (or even a cute dog) is what Friendly Flirting is all about.

9) Flirt with scarier and scarier people. Learn how fun it can be to bring smiles and laughter into people’s lives. You don’t have to be a comedian to get people to laugh. Watch others, rent movies that have people who act like what I’m talking about and practice untill it’s comfortable. And always practice each new level on people who are completely unintimidating to you.

Stage Two: (Remember: They’re a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)

1) Start conversations with strangers who don’t intimidate you: People in line with you at the supermarket, people in parks, waitresses, secretaries. Whenever you want to practice, go out and find someone to talk to. Watch what other people talk about. Notice things around you. Make comments, ask questions.

2) As you become more comfortable, start conversations with scarier and scarier people.

3) Now that you’re pretty comfortable with other people, start walking up to people (when it’s appropriate) and introduce yourself and begin a conversation. It’s all about intention. Wanting to bad enough…and lots of practice.

If you practice all these steps, I guarantee you’ll lose most, if not all, of your shyness. Sure, everyone gets insecure and intimidated occasionally, but they simply acknowledge the feeling and go ahead and do it anyway.

You can do this if you really want to. It’s up to you to put in the time and work. But trust me, because this is how I got over being insecure, it works. And the best thing is, I enjoy life so much more than I did when I was scared all the time.

We are all on a journey toward our best, most magnificent self. That journey leads to greater levels of happiness and a greater ability to love and be loved. At the end of our lives, that’s all that matters. Receive my newsletter and get 3 free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

We all go through difficulties now and then. The tricky part is not getting stuck thinking it will not improve. Here are some steps you can take to help yourself not only get past the hard times, but actually learn and improve because of them.

1. Get a journal just for this event. Write whenever you have feelings, memories, anxiety, etc. Writing what you’re feeling gets it out of you so the negative stuff doesn’t stay in there to fester. And the good stuff will warm your heart.

2. Go to Byron Katie’s website and download The Work. Then, begin to ask the questions and especially do the turn-arounds. You’ll find it a powerful process.

3. Letting go of one thing opens the space for the next thing to come in. When you get stuck in the fear, frustration and anxiety of change, it means you don’t quite believe it. Letting go of the old is the ONLY way to let new, bigger, brighter things into your life. I would recommend you do a kind of ritual of release and opening to what’s next. You make it up according to what your heart tells you.

I hope that helps. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, you are on a journey to a new place that you can’t yet see or imagine. But knowing that more and better is waiting for you invites it in.

We are all on a journey toward our best, most magnificent self. That journey leads to greater levels of happiness and a greater ability to love and be loved. At the end of our lives, that’s all that matters. Receive my newsletter and get 3 free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

Long distance romances are becoming more and more common. They start on dating websites, facebook, and chat rooms.  But there are some serious pitfalls that you need to be aware of. When you are, you will not make things mean more than they should, at the early stages before you have met. And even after you meet, if you continue to communicate, these pitfalls can cause you to become a bit addicted to how good it feels to stay in touch with a person who is more than a stranger, but not really someone with whom you share your every-day life.

1. There is no obligations tied to someone you don’t have a “real” relationship with. Just the ‘good’ stuff.
2. We can’t help but fill in the missing pieces in our minds. And what do we put there? Our fantasies of the ideal person and the ideal relationship. So the person becomes much better than anything in real life.
3. Communication is mostly what we read in facial expressions and body language. In long distance, much is missing, so again, we make up what we want it to mean.

So just pay attention to what’s going on, know that more often than not, when you first meet, the ‘magic’ you thought was there really isn’t. Sometimes, it has to do with what I call the ‘Smell Test.’ There are things going on beneath the surface, that we are not consciously aware of, but they can make or break a relationship. One of them is pheromones. If yours and his are not enticing to each of you, it will not work.

If you want to improve your chances of creating an amazing relationship, it will help to clearly identify what you want in a relationship and in a man. Avoid The Bad Boys will help you with that, and a great deal more. It is an essential program if you are going to stop dating Mr. Wrong and find Mr. Right.

Get 3 free ebooks and learn if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince…or all three at KaraOh.com.

How attractive you are on the outside is what gets his attention. But how attractive you are on the inside is what keeps him coming back for more. When you’re positive, kind, appreciative and gracious, your energy glows and that’s what he will begin to crave.

At the core of the energy you radiate is your Essence. Your Essence is your true, beautiful, glorious, magnificent self. It is what is most attractive to men. When you shine, men notice. You have the ability to make your Essence shine more brightly. That, more than anything will effect your energy.

• Are you  aware that within you is a woman who is your dream-come-true version of yourself?
• Do you know that she already exists, waiting for you to invite her to show herself, in her full glory?
• Are you aware that all you need to do is allow your Essence to express itself?

Your Essence is expressed through your creativity, through the joy of just being, by loving, playing, and nurturing yourself and others. It’s also expressed when you give yourself permission to enjoy the world through your senses, like when you take the time to enjoy a luscious scent, a truly amazing meal, the pleasure of touching silken cloth, the beauty of the sun shining through a flower, through sexual expression (which means allowing that energy to flow, not necessarily having a lover), even by dancing in your underwear to your favorite music in your living room. Add to this mix, loving being a woman, and you will find men noticing you like never before.

If you’re tired, exhausted, listless, lonely, frustrated, angry, bitter, resentful, or unmotivated, you’re simply not connected to your Essence, you are not allowing and encouraging your woman energy to flow through you and you are not giving yourself the love and nurturing you need and deserve. If this is going on, how can you expect a man to be attracted to you or want to get close?

To enjoy your life, to draw love to you, to be loved and cared for by friends, family and a good man, you need to be expressing your Essence as fully and completely as you can. Every time I get into one of my “potty holes” I know I am much less attractive to everyone with whom I interact.

My upcoming book, Feminine Grace, will show you how to express your Essence, which will cause you to be happier and able to fall in love with yourself like never before. This is particularly important because how you love yourself is the how-to manual for how a man should love you. You are the living owner’s manual for how to love you, treat you, respect you and enjoy you. If you aren’t doing all these things for yourself, how can you expect a man to?

So, my dear, lovely one, how brightly does your Essence shine? Are you showing it to the world? Are you enjoying it? Are you celebrating it? Are you as “shiny” as you can be?

To learn if a man is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three, you can download three free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

Will Smith was interviewed a while back and he talked about his reason for his successful marriage. He said there is no way that there won’t be really hard times in any marriage. If divorce is an option, then eventually, something will be difficult enough to bring down a marriage. For Will and Jada, divorce is not an option.

Because divorce is not an option for them, when the hard times come along, they work it out. But to have a happy marriage, not just an enduring one, there’s more to it than that. In the past, when my mother was a divorcee’, that was shameful because it was so rare. That word isn’t even used today. Yes, people stayed married but that doesn’t necessarily mean they were happier.

Because those couples didn’t necessarily have great marriage skills, many of them were not “happily” married. They tolerated each other, they slept in different rooms, they lived their lives, putting one step in front of the other.

So where is the successful balance of “divorce is not an option” and being “happily married?” Well, we need to learn how to communicate effectively, to know how to avoid the build-up of resentment – which is one of the quickest, and easiest, ways to kill love – how to consciously keep the romantic love alive, to keep sex a priority, to have fun together, to continue to trust and respect each other… all the things that are essential to a happy marriage.

All those aspects of what makes a marriage happy and enduring can be learned. The sad thing today is that divorce IS an option for most couples and combined with no marriage skills, when things get difficult–and they always do–divorce is just too easy. What’s hard is to take responsibility, admit you both need to change and dig in and take the steps necessary to learn new skills. Then, after all has been tried, opt for divorce from a wiser position, not as an easy fix.

To learn the skills necessary to create an amazing marriage, I have two programs that can make the difference between divorce and a happy, fulfilling marriage. One is Men Made Easy and the other is Marriage Makeover Manual. It does take some effort, but the rewards are definitely worth it.

And if you want to know if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three, you’ll want to download my three free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

I was just watching an older woman (at least 75) and her husband. She was enthusiastically pointing at something, wanting to share with her husband. When he ignored her, she turned to follow him, her head down, obviously feeling bad for not being acknowledged. Watching her brought tears to my eyes.

She’s from an era where this is the norm, not the exception. It points to one of the primary reasons women enjoy each other’s company over men. We all want 3 things: To be loved; to be appreciated; to be seen and accepted for who we are. That old traditional way that men and women have coupled leaves little room for any of those.

If one is not interested in truly seeing the other, especially if the other is perceived as silly or inconsequential, love cannot exist. What holds that kind of couple together is companionship, security and simple habit.

Don’t let this happen to you. No man and no relationship is worth allowing your spirit to be diminished in any way. It’s not easy, but we need to speak up for ourselves, to tell our partner when we are being hurt, rejected or insulted. You know how it feels when you allow those things to slip by, trying your best to not to feel hurt. But it does hurt and each time we let it go, we send the message that it’s okay to be treated disrespectfully. When that happens, we lose respect for ourselves and our partner loses respect for us.

Whatever feelings of attraction brought you together dies a little each time we do not stand up for ourselves. Don’t allow anything less than what you feel you deserve. It’s up to you to determine what you deserve. Life is too short and too precious to live that way. Do everything in your power to reveal your true self so your light can shine bright. It’s the number one way to honor yourself and God. That’s true Feminine Grace. To learn what Feminine Grace is, and how to use it to expand your happiness, you’ll want to discover the Secrets about men revealed in Men Made Easy. It’s the key to a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship.

And find out if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three at KaraOh.com

A woman wrote recently to ask my advice about what to say to her guy about his not telling her what he was going to be doing. Her concern was not wanting to wait for him. I’m afraid I gave her more than she bargained for.

My advice: If you don’t have a date set, with a time, say nothing. He is a free individual and can do anything he wants. He shouldn’t have to tell you where he is and what he’s doing. You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t it’s either because you have trust issues, or he’s untrustworthy. If you have trust issues, you need to work on those before you’re in a relationship. If he’s untrustworthy, you should not be with him.

I hope that all makes sense. One of the reasons men leave the women they are dating is they lose their freedom. Men shouldn’t have to lose their freedom. Watch this video to hear my wise friend discuss this topic: What Does Commitment Mean To a Man

And did you see my comedy show? I make a joke about women wanting to get a man to “behave.” If you are offended by the “F” word, don’t watch it: How To Get a Man To Behave

I hope this advice helps. The bottom line is, if you have to work to get him to behave, then there’s a problem. Women generally try to get men to behave, and men want their freedom. That’s why it’s so important to develop Feminine Grace because a big part of it is looking in the mirror and looking at our behavior, our responses and reactions to people and situations.

Either a man is enhancing our lives, or they’re not. If they’re not, we need to look at why we think they’re not. Are we being reasonable and respectful of his need to be his own person, or is he truly being disrespectful.

If he’s being disrespectful, he might not realize it. That’s when we can say something like this, “You probably didn’t mean it, but when you did (or said) … it made me feel …. I just wanted to let you know.” Then see how he responds. If he apologizes and says that’s not what I meant, then you can have a calm UNEMOTIONAL discussion about how you can find balance with your need to control him, and his need for freedom.

If you want to learn how to communicate with men so you can get more of what you want from him, be sure and get Men Made Easy. And get 3 Free ebooks so you can determine if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three.

Feminine Grace is the foundation of everything I teach. It is what causes a woman to be truly happy. It’s actually the key to enjoying more fully every aspect of your life.

We think we’re our own person, able to choose how we live our lives. But a lot of how and why we make the choices we do has to do with our culture. The culture of our family is the strongest influence because it’s our whole world during those first formative years. But a lot of how the culture of a family is created has to do with conforming to what is expected, what helps us fit in and what is considered proper behavior.

Lots of what makes up our culture is good and helps us be responsible, productive and self-sufficient. But one thing I’ve been able to watch take shape is how the Feminist Movement has impacted our culture. I was in my 20′s when it began. Females born at that time now know nothing else. It did some good in our society but it is, in my opinion, the primary reason people have such difficulty creating and sustaining satisfying and fulfilling relationships.

Women have been taught they don’t need men. And to back this up, men tell me all the time, “Why do women even want us around?” As I explain in my book, Men Made Easy, more than just about anything, a man needs to feel needed.

When a woman is fully connected to, and able to celebrate her femininity and her womanness, she can enjoy needing a man without feeling diminished in any way. The cornerstone of all I teach is Feminine Grace. In that state a woman can discover her magnificence, her true source of beauty and her joy. When a woman is able to dance with her glorious woman energy, fully and freely, she becomes the kind of woman a man will treasure.

What I teach is how to cause a man to fall madly in love with you (even a love that has gone dormant) and worship the ground you walk on because he feels utterly grateful that you are his woman. There is no room for a wimpy woman in this scenario. The only way a woman can get this is when she discovers that Feminine Grace is her true power base. Some woman know it naturally but most do not. I’m living proof that it can be learned.

To learn about Feminine Grace, get Men Made Easy and discover how wonderful it feels. And if you want to find out if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three, sign up to receive my 3 FREE ebooks here.

A woman wrote to me explaining that she’d been on a few dates and thought it was going great. Fun conversations, good time, kissing and a bit of petting, but no sex yet. She definitely felt strong chemistry. Then, wham, he wrote and said he wasn’t that attracted to her.

My advice: I know it feels awful. But the other side of the hurt is, “Thank goodness you didn’t get more deeply involved.” If he isn’t attracted enough, or just wanted sex, then it’s good that he showed his true colors early on. But the fact that you attracted him should tell you that your energy is attractive. That always feels great. Focus on the fact that this was just a stepping stone to the right man.

Get out some of your favorite music and dance. You’ll for sure feel better.

If you want to learn the Secrets about men that will help you attract a great guy, check out Men Made Easy right now. You need to know what’s going on in that head of his.

And if you want to figure out if a man is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three, you’ll want to get my three free ebooks at KaraOh.com.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

I got an email from a young woman who is twenty-one. She was dumped by a guy she she thought was “The One.” She asked how you can know if a guy is “The One.”

Here’s what I told her: I think they all need to feel like “The One” so we can give our hearts over completely. That’s when we can feel deeply and then learn whatever lessons that person brings to our lives.

With each person, we grow and learn more and more about ourselves, about what we want, and how to communicate. Eventually, we grow into the person who can attract the person who will be mature enough to create a lasting relationship.

If you want to know what to do when you meet “The One,” you definitely need to know my Secrets about men. Learn about Men Made Easy right here.

And if you want to know if a man is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three, go to KaraOh.com and order my three free ebooks.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™