One thing I’ve learned in talking to men over the years is that when the woman makes the first move, it puts things on the wrong foot from the beginning… and it’s hard to get it back to where it would have been if he’d made the first move. But, and this is a big one, most men need about a 90% sure sign that you’re not going to turn him down if he approaches you.

Therein lies the dilemma. How do you get his attention, give him the “it’s okay” and not lose out on the opportunity, without jumping in and taking over his job? Well, there are 3 things that will definitely work:

1. You’re Out And About. (Work, party, coffee shop, etc.)
The Man’s Job: Approach you.
Your Job: Let him know you find him attractive and that’s safe for him to approach.

The best way to do that is to do the “Eye Thing”. This is how you do it: Look at him until he looks at you, then hold your gaze longer than you want to, then look down. Then, in a few moments, look at him again. If he’s looking at you, hold the gaze again, smile ever so slightly, then look down. If he isn’t looking at you, wait until he looks again, then do those things I just mentioned. Keep catching his eyes, without overdoing it, using your feminine wiles until he comes over to talk to you. If he doesn’t, that means you aren’t his type (noting personal), he’s got a date, or he’s involved. But you both probably had a good time enjoying the flirting energy.

2. He Has Finally Approached You.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your job: Encourage him when he has approached you.

When he comes over, smile (but not a huge smile, a feminine smile), be gracious, look him directly in the eyes when he speaks to you, be interested, find an opportunity to touch his arm or his shoulder but not in any s e x ual way; maybe when you laugh or he says something fascinating. Ask questions about him (but not the kind that would make him feel like you’re sizing up his qualifications, like what kind of work he does or what kind of house he owns) If men are successful, they’ll let you know soon enough because they want to impress you. Use the “Tell me more” phrase.

When you part, if you haven’t made a date, DO NOT contact him. If you do, you’ve taken over his job. If he never contacts you, then let go of your expectations and quit hoping he’ll call. And don’t start assuming he’s a worthless no-account. If he’s that attracted, he’ll contact you. And don’t you want a man who is so attracted that he can’t stop thinking about you? (Blatant Sales Pitch: Get my course, “Let The Real You Shine Through” so you will know how to be unforgettable.)

3. You’re Thrown Together At A Gathering.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your Job: To let him know you’re attracted, make him feel safe so he’ll ask you out.

How to casually start a conversation when you’re “thrown together”:

A. When you meet at a party, wedding or any occasion where you were invited

One good thing about meeting a new man at a party is that you probably both know the host and/or hostess. That gives you something in common which makes it easy for you to ask how you know “Bob” or “Alice.” It’s always okay for you to start a conversation at this type of event. If you see an attractive man, you can work your way over to where he is and ask a question. Most people are relaxed in this type of setting so parties are a great place to meet someone new.

B. When you meet for the first time in a business setting

This is a little trickier but you can still “be the woman.” Men love to be the problems solvers, have all the answers, impress you. So if you ask him to explain, clarify or add to whatever the topic is, he’ll see you in a different light than just another colleague, or worse, someone he feels in competition with. You have to ask him as a woman, with the energy that will transmit our interest to him. This is where Let The Real You Shine Through will really help.

C. When you’re standing in line at a coffee shop, the market, etc.

This is an easy way to start a conversation. Don’t complain in any way because that is veering over toward ugly behavior. Instead, make a neutral comment like, “I don’t come here very often. Is it always this popular?” Popular is a positive word, crowded could be seen as negative. After he answers, say, “It has really fun energy.” This makes you seem fun. Can you see the subtlety of this? It takes practice but if you pay attention to what you’re saying, and your intent, you’ll start getting good at coming across as a different kind of woman than those most men usually meet.

D. When you sit next to him at a lecture, class, any gathering

First, do your best to sit next to an attractive man. You can’t always make this happen, but you can talk before, after and if there’s a break.

The simplest thing is to ask him a question about the upcoming topic, how he came to be interested in that topic, etc. Starting a conversation at these kind of events is easy and generally, if you’re good at remembering that your job is to make him feel comfortable, and you’re fun, interested and interesting, the odds are he’ll ask to see you again.

For all 3 of these opportunities to be open and available to his approach, remember to be feminine, soft, interested, interesting, fun and positive. Look for an opportunity for him to be your hero (by helping you with something or answering a question), and relax and enjoy the dance that we call flirting. If you get at all aggressive, you’re taking over his job, if you get needy, you are scary. So just relax, see what happens, and if he doesn’t ask for your number or doesn’t ask to see you again, don’t take it personally. But do use it as an opportunity to learn. The more you do this the better you’ll get.

If you want to learn how to date smart, stop dating the wrong men, and know what it takes to get a man to fall i love with you, you’ll want to visit my book store. You can also download for free my 3 ebooks that will help you know if a man is Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three here.

From my heart to yours,

I’m at a conference of academics and I was talking to a woman about what I do. She told me about a very smart woman who teaches finance, very accomplished, many awards and lots of respect from her peers. But, my friend told me, this very smart women just turns stupid when it comes to men.

Why do we do that?

I think it’s because most of what we know comes to us from outside influences; like fairy tales, love-at-first-site-happily-ever-after-with-no-problems-EVER movies and novels, lame advice from friends, stupid, and inane articles in most women’s magazines. and no tools to know how to do it any different.

So here are 7 ways to avoid getting hurt:

1. Don’t take it personally…. any of it
2. Don’t get physical too soon… it muddles the brain
3. Don’t lose yourself, stay centered, breathe deeply
4. Don’t try to guess “what did he mean when he did (said) that”
5. Enjoy each date, then go about doing your life well
6. If he calls, fine… if not, go about your life, refer to #1
7. Don’t get emotionally attached until he does

Easier said than done, but if you look at this list on a regular basis, maybe you’ll keep your wits about you and enjoy dating a whole lot more. If you really want to date smart, I have several programs that will help you attract a terrific man and get him to fall in love with you because you’re like no other woman he’s met. And learn to know if a man is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince, or all three by downloading my three free ebooks here.

From my heart to yours,

I just got a request for a refund for  my book, Men Made Easy. That doesn’t bother me. It happens. But what bothers me is stupid women. The one that just wrote complained that what I said was obvious and she expected some big revelation. I told her that when I speak in public about men, I warn them that what I’m about to share will seem obvious, some of it they will already know but had forgotten, while other things I share will be new, but will feel familiar because, actually, women already have all the wisdom within them to create amazing relationships. They have just forgotten and been taught things by society that are ruining their ability to create fulfilling romantic relationships.

The book and soon the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You is a perfect example. That’s a big “Duh” when you know the premise of the book. Actually, IT’S SO OBVIOUS that you don’t need to buy the book. The message is clear in the title.

There are only A FEW SIMPLE THINGS that women need to do to make a man fall in love with them. But they don’t want to hear it. These women want to keep cutting a man’s gonads off, then expect him to fall at their feet, grateful that they’re willing to give him even a sliver of attention.

Ladies, IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

Can you tell I’m angry? My book is called MEN MADE EASY for a reason. There are two basic things men need from a woman to make most relationships work. 1) Be beautiful and gracious in how you treat him. 2) Make him feel like a man. THAT’S IT!!!

But to be beautiful you need to love yourself first.

• No self-loving women would treat men as ugly as I see them doing every day.
• No self-loving woman would allow men to treat them the way they do.
• No self-loving women would want to be with a man who is anything less than respectful, kind, loving and adoring.

When you follow my “obvious” secrets about men, you end up with an amazing relationship.

My ex-fiance’ is a wonderful man. I still love him but as a brother. He’s handsome, loving, kind, wealthy, generous, and very good-hearted. He’s been married, engaged and dated many women. He has told me over and over and over again that he has never, in all that experience, met a woman who makes him feel so good to be a man, so happy to have a woman like me, and so wanting to do everything he can to make me happy.

How did this happen?

I do the “obvious” that I rarely see other women doing. I treat him with respect which he gives me in return. I let him know I value his strength and masculine traits. I appreciate the many things he does to make me happy. I never belittle him or, as he says other women have always done, “beat him up.” Basically, I treat him the same way I want to be treated. I call it Feminine Grace and it’s a forgotten art.

I’m not a wuss. I am a strong, capable, powerful woman. He knows that and respect that about me. He supports me in my work and does everything he can to help me when I ask for it.

YES, this is all very obvious. But are you doing this? Do you make it a rule to never, ever belittle a man? Any man, not just the man you’re with? If you are a male-basher and think men are stupid, you can’t turn that on and off. Men pick up on that. If you’re beautiful, it takes them a bit longer but eventually, they get it and run. Then you call them commitment-phobes.

So, ladies, get over yourself and start doing what is so “obvious.” If you can pull it off, you’ll start to see  men paying a lot more interest, showing you much more respect and even awe. Why? Because it’s so rare for them to meet a woman with Feminine Grace. Try it, you might like it and for sure, he will.

Unfortunately, for both men and women, women are blowing it but they also have the power to turn things around. You can, if you’re willing to make a few changes, and the great bonus is you’ll be happier and so will he. Men Made Easy offers 12 Secrets that can change your life…if you’re willing to embrace your Feminine Grace.

Would you like to know if a man is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three? Download three free ebooks and find out.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

There are a variety of reasons men go into depression, and today, with what’s happening in the job market and economic downturn, there are more men struggling with this than ever before.

There’s not much a woman can do for a man in this situation. He needs to seek help on his own. If you push him to fix his problem, he’ll probably pull away from you.

Be supportive, let him know you’re there for him when he needs you, then go about doing things you enjoy. Get involved with a charity where you can do some good, so your desire to help has somewhere to go. While you’re there, your mind will not be focused on him and his problems.

Watch funny movies, go out with friends, exercise (which lifts the mood better than just about anything) and whatever else makes you feel good. Dancing is a wonderful way to feel good. You must take responsibility for your own mood, just has he has to do for himself.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Do you ever worry that he’ll hurt you like your last boyfriend or husband? Or that he’ll leave? Or you’re jealous for no reason?

When you feel like you have no control over your fearful or negative thoughts, it’s easy for them to start controlling you. And when that happens, you’ll usually sabotage your relationship.

You may try to stop thinking of those things that pop in your head, but it doesn’t work that way. Instead, you need to replace them with a a different thought.

To do this, do a Relaxation Meditation, which you can download here. When you get completely relaxed, imagine how good it feels to be loved by him. Imagine it so clearly that you feel those same feelings in your body, as if you were in his presence and he just did something very loving. Lock these feelings into your body as an anchor of how you think of him.

Then, when you have those thoughts or feelings of fear, remind yourself of this anchor and allow those nice feelings of being loved settle into your body. It will take some effort, but eventually, the new anchored feelings will be what will come to you when you think about him or are in his presence. This is a wonderful tool for any time you wish to change your habits of thinking.

To learn if he’s a Caveman, A Dog, a Prince, or all three, download my three free ebooks here.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Have you ever had a man tell you he likes you, enjoys dating you, but isn’t ready for a relationship right now? I get letters from women all the time who are upset when the man they’re dating delivers this message. Usually, the woman paints him as a villain, when he’s actually just being honest.

A man can be a good guy without wanting the long term relationship. The big question I always ask is, “Are you intending to make babies?” If not, why not just enjoy this man and see where it goes.

Women tend to be hung up on a relationship needing to ‘move to the next level.’ But what if just being together and enjoying each other IS the next level? If you want to get married, can you give a clear answer to why? So often, we want things simply because we’ve taught to want them, not because it’s what our heart desires.

Get very clear about what you REALLY want, and why. Then, if you honestly need to know his long term intentions ‘right now,’ then this is not the man for you. If you’re willing to allow things to unfold in their own way, in their own time, you could be surprised at how much you enjoy the journey.

And remember, even when we have that commitment and the promises, there are no guarantees that they’re going to last. Even with marriage and children, there are no guarantees.

What I notice is women are not able to enjoy that unfolding, because they’re so focused on what is ‘supposed to be,’ and worried about ‘where is this going.’

If you want to raise the possibility that a man is going to want to be in a long term relationship with you, because the thought of losing you is too great, then you’ll want to not only learn the Secrets about men revealed in Men Made Easy, but you’ll also how to use these Secrets to create a relationship like you’ve never had before…one that makes you toes curl and your heart sing.

And find out if he’s a Caveman, a Dog a Prince…or all three right here.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

I put this commonly mentioned phrase in Men Made Easy because it’s so true: Men marry a woman hoping she’ll never change, but she always does; and women marry men hoping they will change, but they never do.

Women make themselves crazy trying to get a man to change, to behave, or to ‘do the right thing.’ When you think about it it’s unbelievably rude and arrogant to think we have a right to tell someone else how they should be, or that we know better.

The only thing we have a right to request is how they treat us. If they are rude, disrespectful, hurtful or whatever else, we can and SHOULD speak up. Otherwise, who are we to think we know what’s best for someone else. But women do this to their husbands and boyfriends all the time.

If men did to women what women do to men in this regard, they would not tolerate it. It does happen, there are plenty of controlling men, but overall, women do it much more.

It’s always helpful to step back and watch your behavior from outside. Doing this allows us to see the bigger picture, how our actions look and feel to the other person. This is not easy, but an important part of Feminine Grace (introduced in Men Made Easy) is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Imagine how it feels to him to have you trying to change or control him?

It’s amazing how ugly women can be without realizing it. It’s not our place to change or try to control another person. If he needs to be different than what and how he is for you to be happy with him, either you need to walk away, or you need to change. That’s the only way.

The most influential factor in all this is that women tend to focus on turning dating into a relationship way too soon. When this happens, there’s usually a time when she starts trying to get him to be what she needs him to be. The smarter thing to do is to allow the getting acquainted time to last longer. It takes several months for a couple to relax to the point where they begin to show their true colors.

If you relax and allow a new relationship to unfold in it’s own way, in it’s own time, then you can see more clearly when it’s working or not working. It’s much better to walk away when it’s not a good fit, rather than wasting time trying to make something work that never will.

Instead of getting involved with a man who you need to change, it’s better to know more clearly what you are looking for, so you don’t waste time on the wrong man. My program, From Mr. Wrong To Mr. Right will help you do just that. And be sure and get three free ebooks so you can determine if he’s a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

You may not realize it, but more than anything, that special man in your life wants to feel like you appreciate, respect, and accept him for who he is as a man. With that he’ll feel understood and understanding is–at least for him–the ultimate gift you can give him.

Here’s an idea for a gift that is sure to melt his heart. You can put as much effort into it as you like. He won’t get all mushy and teary eyed, but he will appreciate what you will be telling him with this gift.

For married woman:
He wants to make you happy, to be a good provider, and be your rock, so letting him know all the ways he’s accomplishing that is a better gift than anything else you can give him.

This will be a true Care Package, like he’s never had before. Men aren’t “into” gifts like women are but this is a gift he’ll treasure because he’ll know that you really do understand what makes him tick. The benefit to you is it costs hardly anything and he just might transform into that romantic, starry-eyed prince that you fell in love with.

For single women:
If you’re single and wish to do something that will make your boyfriend feel like, “Hey, this is an amazing woman that I’d be a fool to lose,” you’ll want to give him this gift. No other woman will have given him anything like this before. Guaranteed!

For moms with kids:
If you have kids, this is a project you can do together (mostly) that will show your love and appreciation. And the kids will see their dad in a new light and love and respect him all the more.

Materials you’ll need:

• Writing instrument – pen, pencil or colored markers
• Paper – plain, fancy or colored
• Magazines
• Container – choose a box or a basket, tube, stocking, coffee mug, tool box, fishing tackle box, etc. Be creative and use something that he’ll enjoy later.

You can get nice paper and make lists, you can use poster board and write on them with colored markets, or you can use poster board and cut out images and words from magazines to make a collage.

The six gifts of understanding:

1) Make a list of all the qualities that you most admire about him. Examples: He’s honest, hard-working, helpful, intelligent, handsome, etc.

Men sometimes feel like they’re just a wallet, someone to take out the trash, or the one who kills spiders. This gift will let him know that you see who he really is and that he’s an important part of your life.

2) Make a list of the masculine things about him that you like best. Examples: He’s strong, he makes you feel protected, he’s a great lover, he’s intelligent, his big strong arms, etc.

Everything a man does points back to what kind of MAN he is. Your guy is no different. Men can be a lot of work to have around, but there are things about men that even our best girlfriends can’t offer. What is it about your guy that causes you to see him as the “man” you wanted to share your life with?

3) Make a list of all the ways you nag him and at the bottom, promise to quit doing so. (The kids can skip this one, unless they’re older and have gotten in the habit of just seeing dad as a source of money or transporation.)

In poll after poll men have said what they like least about women is nagging and complaining. Partly because it tells him constantly that he’s falling short of being a good man for you. He “needs” to make you happy and solve your problems so if when you do these things, you’re telling him he’s failing you as a man.

It also is really unattractive and, let’s face it, if you’re not attractive to him, he loses interest. Besides, if you nag and complain enough, he sees you as a bottomless pit that can’t ever be satisfied and he gets worn out and either leaves emotionally (into the paper, TV, work, other women or drugs and alcohol) or physically in divorce. The irony is that we all know that nagging and complaining doesn’t work.

4) Make a list of all the things he does for you that make you happy. Examples: He brings home a paycheck, he takes you out to the movies, he helps with the dishes, he picks up the kids after school, he buys you flowers, he’s an attentive lover, he gives great hugs, etc.

Men are actually driven to make women happy. It has to do with the primal drive to be a good hunter. Providing meat was the most important thing he did because it meant his family would survive a little longer. Talk about putting a smile on his “woman’s” face. Well, men admit that, more than anything, they feel fulfilled as men when their woman is happy. It means they’re doing a good job of being “the man.”

5) Make a list of the reasons you respect him. Examples: He’s a good provider, he’s a good father, he’s honest, he’s admired by others, etc.

Men need to feel like they’re measuring up to other men. Respect is the most important measure of a man. Yes, a man could be rich and powerful but if he’s not respected, it’s meaningless.

6) Make some “naughty” coupons that he can redeem whenever he wants. (Obviously, this is not for the kids.) Examples: This coupon is good for a Saturday night seduction; this coupon good for a little whipped cream to be licked off very slowly; this coupon good for a slow, sensuous massage; etc.

For most men, the only way they know how to be intimate is sexually. When you first fell in love you probably kissed for hours and couldn’t get enough of each other. Well, why not spark him up and let him know you’d like to enjoy the “pleasure” of his company.

Note:
When you make your lists be sure and include those things that you know he likes and admires about himself. And if you want to get really creative, include examples of why you put each item on your lists. As a follow-up to the written lists, some verbal appreciation would be a perfect way to “tie a bow” on his Ultimate Gift.

If you’d like to take this gift further, and completely transform your relationship, you’ll want to learn the Secrets About Men that are revealed in Men Made Easy. And you can get 3 free ebooks that will help you know if your guy is a Caveman, a Dog, a Prince or all three right here.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

A woman wrote to me the other day upset because her boyfriend didn’t miss her right away, like she misses him. What I’ve noticed in my years of working with women is that they create their own unhappiness and angst because the man is not ‘behaving in the way that the woman needs him to.’

Why should it matter that he doesn’t miss you the same way you miss him? Let him be how he is. No two people are going to express their feelings in exactly the same way. And men generally don’t do so in quite the way women want them to. That’s why I focus on helping you understand men.

The bottom line is you need to understand that men are different.

Every time you try to get a man to behave, respond and react as a woman would (which is what is happening) you’re disappointed. And a man does not want to be with a woman who is unhappy with him.

So simply notice with fascinated curiosity how he does it. It’s not wrong, simply different.

If he’s treating you well, makes you feel cherished, give you time and attention, let him do so in HIS way, not yours. When you can let go and allow the man to be who he is, you’ll find that everything works better. And the best part of being able to do that is he will begin to realize you are different than all the other woman who have given him so much grief.

My advice is relax and simply enjoy his attentions.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

Too many women write to me explaining that their ex keeps in frequent contact, want’s to hang out, and even, occasionally, makes a booty call. This is very unhealthy behavior, on both sides. Him for doing it, and the woman for allowing it.

If this has happened (or it’s currently going on), he’s got you on a tether. He won’t let go so you can find someone else, and he strings you along JUST enough to keep your hopes up. This is not good for you because it keeps you in a state of hopeful limbo.

It’s important in this kind of situation to set some boundaries. You’re being a doormat and there’s no way he can respect you for accepting the crumbs he tosses your way. And there’s no way you can respect yourself. You know this is not good, but you’re ever hopeful that he’ll come back.

There’s another aspect about this that both men and women do to each other…”I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either…plus, if I decide I want you back, there you are.”

To get over someone you need at least two months of no communication and not even hearing their voice. No, it’s not easy, but once you move past the attachment, you’re free to find someone who will be thrilled to have you as their girlfriend, and doesn’t make you wonder and wait.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™