It breaks my heart how many women struggle in the early stages of dating a new man. By early stage, I mean you don’t know where you stand or how he feels. In my years of coaching women more often than not, they start moving things along toward a relationship before they know how he feels about her. Do you make up all kinds of things in your head to try to explain his lack of interest? Too often, you probably think they just need to do more. This is the opposite of what you should do. So here are three ways you’ll know if he’s into you so you can save yourself a whole lot of grief:

1. He’ll make dates with you.

If a man is into you, he assumes other men will be as well. He doesn’t want to lose out to another man. So he’s going to want to tie up your time. This is why you don’t become completely available to his every gesture.  Stay busy, date other men, and don’t sit around waiting for his call, text or email. This alone could cause him to lose interest.

2. He’ll wait to have sex with you.

Having sex too soon is one of the most frequent mistakes women make. Yes, this is the modern age where women can have as much sex as they want. But if your goal is to develop a long-term relationship, you need to wait until you have a conversation about being exclusive. That means neither of you will date anyone else or have sex with anyone else.

3. He’ll introduce you to his friends and family.

I dated a man for eighteen months and he would never introduce me to his daughter or his mother. After a few months, that should have been a tip off. I think this should happen within the first two months. Maybe not the family, but for sure, his friends. If he’s not willing to include you in his full life, he’s just dating you for the time being. If you’re having sex, then you’re most likely a booty call, especially if he isn’t taking you out.

There are more things to watch for, but these are pretty easy to figure out. If you’re not getting this, then it’s best to move on to someone who is into you.

A lot of women’s frustrations with men is because they don’t understand the hidden world of what men are thinking. If you want to really get inside a man’s head, know what causes him to fall in love and more important, stay in love, you’ll definitely want to learn how to use my Secrets about men.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

Your energy can attract a man like a moth to a flame. But if your energy is off-putting, you will either be invisible or downright repellent. Which would you prefer? Watch this video as I share some thoughts on energy:

I hope you now have a different attitude toward this all-important topic. I want you to shine as brightly as you can so you will be able to enjoy the goodies that life has to offer. Feminine Grace is how you develop beautiful energy. You can learn how to do that at MenMadeEasy.com.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

I got questions from two women this week, which, on the surface, might appear to require different answers. But the answers are actually the same. One was about how she was upset because her guy didn’t remember the anniversary of their first date and the other asked how she could get her guy to express his love “night and day.”

Regarding the “night and day” thing, I put an update on facebook that night and day would probably drive a woman nuts if she actually got that. I suspect the one who wrote me was a teenager, but it got me to write this article, so that’s a good thing.

So here’s the deal with men. They’re just not wired to be mushy, especially as much as most women would want. The seldom express what they’re feeling, especially the real mushy stuff. We women have a mountain of thoughts and ideas about what we’re feeling, we can put them into words, describe them, add lots of flourishes, and If we explained all our thoughts about the relationship to our man, he would probably start climbing the walls. It makes us feel good when we have mushy thoughts and feelings, so we want and expect him to enjoy that part of being in love as well. But that’s not how a man relates to his woman.

In my years of studying men for my book, Men Made Easy, one thing became very clear. Men show love through action. They like to be our hero, solve problems for us, fix things, protect us, and make us happy…in their own ways.

Too often, when women need a man to express love in a certain way, they miss out on all the ways they ARE expressing their love. So notice if he likes to solve problems for you, do things for you, show you a good time going out on dates. If he is attentive, takes you out, calls once in a while, texts, emails, then he is expressing his love.

For you to relax and enjoy your relationship more, rather than stressing over what he’s NOT doing, pay attention to what he is doing. Make a list of all the things he does that makes you feel special, beautiful, sexy, taken care of, cherished, treasured and loved. Men like to DO things, it’s natural and comfortable for them. If you focus on how he makes you feel, day-in day-out,  then you’ll start seeing that he does express his love, just not in the ways you want.

If you stay upset because he isn’t remembering special anniversaries or doesn’t tell you in words how he feels, I invite you to do a Relaxation Meditation and ask yourself why you’re upset. And also, ask how you most enjoy receiving love. I suspect it all ties together and leads to something in your childhood. You can download the Relaxation Meditation and use it any time you want to go inside and ask your Inner Wise Woman for advice. That’s just a fancy way to say you’ll talk to your inner wisdom that lies just beneath your consciousness.

There’s so much more you need to understand about men if you are going to negotiate your way to getting what you want from them. I hope you’ll go ahead and get a copy of Men Made Easy so you can start applying the secrets. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they cause men to respond to you in brand new ways.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

If you want to be in a happy, long-term relationship, it’s important to know what you need to do so you don’t blow it from the start. You see, the greatest joy for any woman who want’s a man to make her feel cherished, is how good it feels when he pursues you. Way too often, as today’s confident, strong and powerful woman, you think nothing of making the first move. But you don’t realize that with that first initial contact, if you are the one making it, you have ruined it before it’s begun. Here are 3 reasons why:

1. When you pursue him, you are being the man. Men not only like the chase, then need it. If you take over, you’re taking his “job” away from him. ONLY respond when he approaches you. The first time you meet, smile for 6 seconds. If he’s interested, he’ll approach. Then, if he does, let him say the first words. If you approach him and start the conversation, you have just stepped into the position of being the man. So respond to his questions, be impressed with him, don’t try to impress him. Then, when you start dating a man, DO NOT email, text, or phone him. Only respond to his emails, texts, and phone calls. Reply to them all but don’t initiate. This keeps things going in the right direction. You see, if you pursue him in any way, you never really know if he’s really into you.
2. When you pursue him, you won’t know if he’s into you. Men can be pretty lazy when it comes to women. If you initiate the first contact, and you’re attractive to him, he’ll be flattered and go with it. But you’ll never really know if he’s into you because once you make the first move, you’re likely to keep initiating each step along the way. Men are more than happy to hang with you while they’re waiting for something better to come along. In the meantime, you’re getting emotionally attached. When he finally does leave, you are hurt and wondering what happened. When you let him lead the way, with each phase, you’ll know from day one that he’s into you.
3. When you pursue him you miss out on how good it feels to be a woman. One of the wonderful things about being a woman is how good it feels when a man you’re attracted to pursues and woos you. So let him initiate the first conversation, all phone calls, all invites to go out on dates, all emails, all texts. Your job is to respond to his overtures. The moment you start initiating emails, texts and phone calls, you start taking on male energy and it no longer feels good. And, if he begins to lose interest, you won’t know because you’re doing the work.

Once you’ve become an established, monogamous, committed couple–which, by the way, can ONLY happen with a clear and open conversation–then you can occasionally initiate communication with him. But most men don’t need to connect as often, don’t need as many words, and don’t want to chit-chat. So keep it to a minimum. Some women think only once a day is minimal. I say once a week is more appropriate, if at all. If you let him guide the flow of energy, and let him move the relationship along, you won’t make yourself crazy wondering why he isn’t responding when you reach out.

Women today are so strong that they don’t realize they are taking the pleasure of pursuit from the man. Then they wonder why he loses interest. If you do what I suggest above, I’m certain you’ll discover how delicious it is to be pursued. One thing I recommend you do in the meantime, is learn my Secrets about men. There are so many mistakes women make today and have no idea why they’re struggling to establish a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Don’t let that be you. Get my book, Men Made Easy, and begin to take charge of your love life by learning the secrets to a man’s heart. Hint: enjoy being a woman. The best way to do that is to learn how to develop Feminine Grace, which is the foundation of everything I teach.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

Being happy is the best way to be attractive to men. But what if you’re not feeling happy? What if you’re actually feeling depressed? If you’re dating and looking for a great guy, he is either going to be repelled by your negative energy, or you will simply be invisible to him. If you’re exceptionally beautiful, which few of us are, he will notice, but he will not be drawn to you.

Being happy is like a magnet. Everyone prefers to be around happy people and they are drawn to happiness like moths to a light bulb. So what can you do to be happier? Well, I know from all the women who tell me, the best thing you can do for yourself is begin to develop Feminine Grace. But for something you can do right now, here are some ideas.

I find that exercising is one of the best ways to get my spirits up. Exercising creates endorphins, which helps you improve your chemistry. When you create endorphins in your body, it’s like taking morphine, without the risks.Imagine having a morphine factory right inside your body and you can turn it on whenever you want.

Another way to release endorphins is to laugh. So often, when we’re feeling sad or depressed, we tend to avoid humor. But make yourself do it. Find a funny movie on TV, find funny videos on YouTube–babies laughing, cats, dogs and men doing stupid things, comedians–and keep watching those that make you laugh. In no time, you’ll find your spirits lifting.

Another way you can release endorphins is to have an orgasm. If you don’t have a partner, give yourself one either by hand or with a vibrator. An orgasm will also help you sleep better.

Putting on music that makes you get up and dance. Not the slow, romantic stuff that could make you sad because you don’t have a  man in your life, but the kind of music that gets you to shake your booty.

When we’re depressed, it is often a chemical thing. When we have negative thoughts, it causes our chemistry to be affected. So it’s important that you do things to get your chemistry back in alignment. Eat well, don’t drink alcohol, exercise, get plenty of sleep, focus on positive thoughts rather than negative.

And here’s something that will work wonders. Begin to keep a gratitude journal. Right before you go to sleep, either write down or think about all the things for which you’re grateful. It doesn’t have to be big things. Maybe you can’t think of anything. But maybe you have great fingernails. You don’t live in your car, you have a car, you have family, or friends, or a pet. You have a job. You have food in your refrigerator. Name it all. As you do this you will wake with a more positive attitude. With a more positive attitude, you will have more and more to be grateful for.

It’s about taking charge of your mood, and not letting negative thoughts pull you down into a hole you can’t get out of. In everything I teach, I have a hidden agenda. That is, you are in charge of your life. Maybe not everything that happens to you, but for sure, how you respond to it. I want to help you take charge and begin to be the happy, magnificent woman you were put on this planet to be. If you’re interested in joining me, the first step is to read Men Made Easy because that is the foundation of everything I teach, and where I introduce the concept of Feminine Grace. And you can join my support group where other women, just like you, are struggling with the very same issues you are.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

Here’s a video I did after a client asked me to talk about long distance relationships. They’re definitely not easy and this video explains why:

I hope this will help you be wiser about dealing with long distance love. You can view more of my videos at LipSmackinLove.tv

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

P.S. The Secrets about men in Men Made Easy will help you learn how to get a man to fall in love, whether you’re dating, or trying to save your marriage.

Women often write to me describing a terrific man, then they finish with, “But there’s this one thing…” Sometimes it’s a big deal and I let them know this is not something you want to get involved with. But often, it’s something minor and should not stop her from continuing to date a man.

Say it’s something like she want’s him to open the car door for her, but he doesn’t. When you want something you should ask for it. Keeping in mind that it’s not important enough to stop you from seeing him, it’s best to be light about your request. Say something like this:

This may seem like a silly thing, but it would make me feel so special if you opened the car door for me. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me feel so womanly when a man opens the car does that for me. Would you mind terribly doing this for me?

He may have a reason for not doing this. Listen to him and be open to not getting your way. When I got married, we made a deal that he would open the car door for me when I was dressed up. I like it when we’re walking to the car and a man opens the door for me, but it seems kind of silly when I sit there by myself, waiting for him to walk around to my side so I can get out.

The most important thing is that you work together to come up with a solution you’re both happy with. This is also something to pay attention to as how you would resolve conflict in the future, if you do become a committed couple.

To let a great guy go over something that is not that important in the overall picture of what makes up a relationship is not a good idea. It could be that it is a sign that he is not respectful, but I would give it more time to determine who he really is. In Men Made Easy, I’ll teach you about how to get more of what you want from a man.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

It’s not uncommon, when a woman who is wanting to get her ex back, for her to purchase my Men Made Easy program, hoping it will help her. Because any woman who embraces what I teach will find herself changing in many positive ways, there is a chance that she could get him back. That’s because my program teaches women what a man REALLY wants, how to treat him differently than any other woman ever has–including how SHE treated him in the past–and how to get what she wants in such a way that the man actually WANTS to give it to her, she will definitely be different than she was prior to their break up.

The tricky part is letting him know how you’ve changed. You can’t just say, “I’ve changed, take me back.” For one thing, men are quick to shut the door to heartache and move on. They do this so they won’t have to feel what’s going on inside of them. They’re also wary that you really have changed.

• Men Made Easy points out all the ways you may have emasculated your man and why that is the worst thing you could have done. If you’ve been doing that, the following technique I’m going to describe could work.

• Men Made Easy shows you the different ways you’ve likely been ‘ugly’ to him in the past, and why that was so destructive to your relationship. If you’ve been doing these things, this technique could work.

• Men Made Easy shows you the many ways you’ve done exactly the opposite to get what you want and how that has driven him away. If you’ve been doing any of these things, this technique could work.

This does not mean he didn’t do things wrong as well. But this is not about blaming him, it’s about letting him know you understand better what happened and how it could have been different.

Even if this technique I’m going to explain doesn’t bring him back, it will be a good thing for you to do. That’s because it will be a cleansing of your spirit so you can move on and find love again.

How To Let Him Know You’ve Changed

Depending on whether or not you have contact, here are some ways you can let him know you’ve changed. If you see each other occasionally, you can show him with your more beautiful energy and by the way you communicate with him. Or, if you’re emailing, you can say it in writing.For these situations, you can let him know the things I recommend below over several meetings or emails.

If you are having no contact, you can write a letter, but not in a way that sounds like you’re trying to get him back, just letting him know how you’ve seen how it could have been and wish him well.

What you want to say, to show him you have, indeed, changed, is the following–but in your own words, of course:

1) Tell him you have been doing a lot of soul searching and you now see what you did to damage your relationship.

1a) Detail the things you did wrong, using what you’ve learned in Men Made Easy.
• How you emasculated him
• How you were ugly
• How you didn’t let him know how important he was
• How you didn’t appreciate the things he did to make you happy ( you can offer details here)

2) Detail what you now see you should and could have done.

3) Tell him you were so caught up in your own world that you lost sight of what an amazing man he is. Then detail all the things you admire and appreciate about him, especially those things you know he admires about himself.

If a letter is your only way to communicate these things, then tell him you’re sorry for what happened, and wish him happiness and love.

Don’t forget that more often than not, it’s over because it should be. We often want an ex back because we’re lonely, we miss having someone around, there’s a gaping hole where he once was that wants to be filled and the feelings of attachment are still strong. It takes wisdom and intuition to know what to do.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

When we’re in the throes of heartbreak, whether from a break up–or because something awful happened to us or a loved one–there are a series of things you can do to get through it more quickly. But before I give you the steps you can take, you will benefit by understanding that your thoughts are what cause you to feel bad. Your thoughts about how hurt you are, how abandoned you feel, how angry, how resentful…all those thoughts are felt in your body, which is where you feel the pain of emotions.

Yes, most of our thoughts arrive unbidden. They just march in and take over. But when you notice that they have arrived, you can send them away. But to do so successfully, you must actually replace them with other thoughts, thoughts of your choosing. I’ll explain how to do that below.

1. First, it’s important that you feel all your feelings as fully as possible. To deny our feelings only pushes them beneath the surface. They’re still there and the concern is that they will either squish out in some surprising way, like over-reacting to something or someone, or they fester inside and cause us physical harm in the form of simple stress, an ulcers, heart problems to even cancer.

So feel it all. Cry, scream, beat on a pillow. Whatever will be a good outlet for all that you’re feeling. And talk to only a couple of trusted friends or relatives. Tell them to let you know when you’re wearing them out and to stop you from going on and on. But do talk. It’s important. I remember a workshop leader saying once, “I kept telling the story of my divorce until even I got tired of hearing it.” But don’t tell just anyone who will listen. That will keep you in your emotional stew.

2. Next, write about it. Even if you don’t ordinarily journal, if you do this, you’ll discover how cleansing it feels. Write about EVERYTHING. The good feelings, the bad, and the ugly. No one will see this so write and write and write until you have nothing more to say. Then, do a ritual and burn it or cut it into tiny little pieces and throw it away. As you do so, release it from your being, letting it go, fully and completely.

3. One thing that causes us to get stuck in painful emotions is that we don’t know how to make peace with them. One of the best ways I’ve found to do this is to discover what there is to be grateful for. If this person died, instead of leaving you, this would be an easier process. But it can be done, no matter the circumstances of the breakup. So, on a piece of paper, write all the things you’re grateful for, all the things that enriched your life from being with this person. Then, thank them. Not in person, but silently to yourself.

4. Take a look at the problems that were part of this relationship. No relationship is problem free, although some are big problems and some small. In what ways could the breakup be a blessing in disguise? That’s the question you want to search for. Write your answers down so you can see in black and white that maybe there is some good to come out of it. You may not feel it yet, but with time, you will begin to realize the truth of what you discover in asking this question now. Later, you will come up with more answers to add to your list.

5. I mentioned above that you have control over your thoughts, but only as you become aware that you’re thinking about something that is upsetting you. When you notice you’re focusing on the hurt, humiliation or loss, for example, replace that thought with something that will shift your energy. You can turn on a funny movie, pick up a novel that really gets you sucked into the story, go out in nature, exercise, call a friend and ask them what’s going on in their life, not what is going on in yours, offer your time to a charitable organization, be with children, pets, whatever will take your mind off of your uncomfortable thoughts, at least for a time.

Yes, those thoughts will come back, but the more you take charge and purposefully shift your thoughts from those that make you feel bad to those that make you feel good, you will more quickly move through the emotional crisis. You will also gain a lifelong skill.

6. Once you are past the worst of it, begin to get out. Make dates with girlfriends but don’t talk about your break up. Sign up for dancing lessons, or something that will be fun and get you out socializing. Register for a matching service and just date to be dating, not because you’re desperately looking for a replacement.

The most important point I want to make here is that you’re in charge of how you react and respond to whatever happens to you. If you can begin to take charge of what you’re feeling and begin to purposefully choose what you’re thinking, you will move through heartbreak much more quickly. I feel it is a waste of a heartbreaking experience not to learn the lessons that are waiting to be unearthed. By doing the above exercises, you will always learn the lessons that are there, waiting for you. When you do, you will grow, you will become wiser, and you will move ever closer to having more amazing experiences from dinner out with a girlfriend to a deeply loving romantic relationship. We are ever evolving, always moving toward the best version of ourselves. You get to choose how you respond to life. If you want to choose how you respond to men and start having more success with men, you’ll definitely want to get your hands on Men Made Easy, where I reveal the secrets I’ve learned about men.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Women write to me all the time wondering how often it’s okay to call, text and email a new man. I think they ask because at an instinctual level, they know whatever they’re doing is probably too much. So here are some guidelines so you will avoid the mistake of scaring a man off by being too needy and clingy.

When you’re first getting to know a man, before you have established clearly (via a face-to-face conversation) that you are a couple, will not date anyone else and will not have sex with anyone else, your job is to receive and his is to give. You receive his pursuit of you, you receive his phone calls, his texts messages, emails, request to take you out on dates. His is to give to you attention, phone calls, texts, emails and requests to take you on dates.

You do not initiate phone calls, texts, emails at this stage. You WAIT to respond to him. You return his calls, respond to texts and emails, and say yes or not to his requests for dates. The moment you begin to make the calls, text him, send emails, or ask him to go on a date, you have begun to pursue him, which feels to him that you are taking over his job as the man. Because you are. Most men do not like this and will walk away from this kind of woman. To them it feels like you are being clingy and needy.

Another, even more important “job” of dating is, as you get acquainted, to determine if you should continue to pursue a relationship. Men do this better than women do. Men are able to just be in the moment, enjoy time with a woman, and if it keeps feeling good, keep seeing her. Women, on the other hand, tend to try to turn it into a relationship, sometimes–with online dating–even before you’ve met. You can’t be objective when you’re hoping, WAY TOO SOON, that it will become a relationship. Women need to learn from men to be more pragmatic and just enjoy it as a nice time spent together. That’s it. And if you continue to have a nice time together, and learn things about each other that you like, respect and admire, you continue to see each other. Eventually, you realize you don’t want to spend time with anyone else.

Women need to slow down and relax. It’s just a date until you have that conversation that you will be a committed couple. And even then, it doesn’t mean you’re headed to the alter. It only means you’re going to continue to see what’s possible, but won’t be dating anyone else for the time being.

So relax and just have fun allowing him to pursue you. That’s the golden rule of dating. His job it to pursue you and yours is to RESPOND to his efforts at winning your heart. And you know what, if you learn to do this, it will feel a whole lot better than what you’ve been doing.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™