What do you do when an ex wants to get back together, but you think it might be just as friends, and you still have feelings for him? This is a dangerous thing to do because it will keep you stuck in heartache.

When you still have feelings and get back together as a couple, it is too painful to have him near, but basically unavailable. Plus, when he’s wanting to be just friends, he’s going to date and want to tell you about it.

If you spend time as “just friends” when you heart is aching to be with him, you’re being a doormat, allowing him to use you to get some of his needs met, while you ignore your own needs.

This is a good time for you to speak up and set your boundaries. This is not easy when you’re hoping he’s interested in more than just friendship. But if you don’t say anything, and attempt to get together, you’ll be dishonoring yourself. Tell him you still have feelings so you can’t be just friends. Then stick to what you know is best for you in the long run.

One of the most important things I teach in Men Made Easy is how to develop your Feminine Grace. Part of that is learning to fall in love with yourself, learning to honor yourself and not settle for less than you deserve. Getting back with an ex who hasn’t made it clear he wants to be a couple is not how you take care of your own needs. That has to come first. Too many women ignore their own needs when it come to men. Don’t let that happen to you.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Here’s a video I made that describes some fun and easy ways to almost instantly improve your marriage and bring back the love you each desire.

Give these a try and see what kind of magic you can create. This and a whole lot more is in my two essential books for a happy and fulfilling marriage, Marriage Makeover Manual and Men Made Easy.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Of course, when you are looking for a man, you want to be as attractive as you can. But there are subtle things you might be doing that will not attract man, but instead, actually repel them. A common mistake women unconsciously make when they go on a date is to come across as needy. Women do it more then men, but men do it as well. It’s extremely unattractive energy. The reason this is so repellent is because every cell of your bodies, deep within our DNA, is set to avoid danger. When someone is needy, it feels like danger to our unconscious mind so we react at an instinctual level.

A needy person requires work on our part and it feels like it won’t be an even exchange, that everything will need to go into keeping this person happy, or financially secure, or whatever it is they are searching for. They feel like they will be a burden… which is true.

Have you ever been around a needy person, like someone you meet at a party and you instantly know they’re trying too hard? Doesn’t it feel like they’re trying to suck the energy right out of you? Yep, that’s what neediness feels like.
Somehow, we can sense that no matter what we might do, this needy person will always stay needy. “No thanks” to that…

There are so many subtle mistakes we make when we date that it’s amazing that anyone hooks up at all. In one of the books in my From Flirting To Forever dating program is Stop Blowing It With Men, where I describe the most common dating mistakes women make. Sadly, most of them go unnoticed by the woman making them, and then they wonder why men don’t call back, or worse, don’t even ask them out. Ignorance is definitely not bliss.

When you know what you’re doing, dating doesn’t have to be scary and stressful, it can actually be fun.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

If you find men not paying much attention to you in the next coming weeks, it might not be you, it might be money worries. With what is going on in the economy men tend to go inward when they are concerned about their finances or their jobs. They aren’t thinking about dating other than maybe to get laid, which relieves them of the worry for a short time.

So even though you might be worried as well, men take it as a jolt against their manhood. It’s not personal because they really can’t see you when their mind is filled with concerns about their future and their financial world.

Another reason you might not be getting as many dates is because it’s expensive to go out. Dinner, movie, gas. It all adds up. And a man wants to be able to impress the woman he’s seeing. If money is short, he’s going to pull back on dating.
Because men take their economic health so personally (you’ve heard of men jumping out of buildings in the Big Crash), you can improve your chances of finding love in these hard times if you make the effort to understand what REALLY makes men tick. You can learn my secrets about men and literally become an expert on men when you order your copy of Men Made Easy. In this crazy economy, everything you can do will help.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Not that long ago online dating was something people made fun of and were afraid of. Today, it’s an accepted, even expected, way for people to find love. But, it’s new to all of us so we don’t have the training or experience to know how to use this technology to it’s full advantage. Here are seven tips to help you have more success if you select to find love online.

#1 – Trust Your Intuition
Online dating requires a strong connection to your intuition. Every person I’ve spoken to about a bad experience has told me that they ignored their intuition.

If you get taken in by salespeople, get your heart broken easily, or you’re afraid of strangers, you should not meet anyone online. If you’re self-confident, know yourself well, and can say no to a handsome, charming man or an adorable woman because you feel “something’s not quite right,” then give it a try.

#2 – Pick the Right Service
Pick a service that’s easy to negotiate and feels good to you. Many allow a short trial. If you require a special category, like Jewish or Christian, try those first.

#3 – Be Truthful
Answer the questionnaire truthfully. Two things people lie about the most (besides being married) is weight and age. Women think “he won’t care once we meet” and men often don’t realize their weight and age are an issue.

There are people who don’t care, or even prefer, someone with a little added weight. So why not be honest and find those people? Best bet on weight? Just be healthy. And for heaven’s sake, post flattering but current photos.

#4 – Be Your “Best” Self
When answering essay questions, emails and during phone conversations, be clever and interesting, but be yourself. When I tried online dating I began my essay questions with “Once upon a time there was a fair maiden”, and kept the theme going. The emails I got were fun, clever and playful.

#5 – Be Interesting AND Interested
Of course you want someone who’s interested in you, but so do they. Balance the time each gets to ask and answer questions. Ask questions like, “What gives you the greatest satisfaction at this time in your life?” or, “What’s the most fun you ever had?” Then, shut up and listen. Too often, we don’t listen because we’re planning what we want to say next, then wonder why they’re not interested.

#6 – Don’t Fall In Love
Take your time before meeting face-to-face. People are often more open before meeting and feelings get built up. Watch for red flags as you email and talk on the phone. Once your gut says, “Yes, this person is too interesting not to meet,” then make a date for coffee or lunch in case you don’t hit it off.

#7 – Be Prepared For a “No Thanks”
When you finally do meet, more often than not, the spark will be missing. That’s okay. It doesn’t say anything about you except that it’s just not a fit. Thank each other for the opportunity to meet and wish each other well. Then tell yourself, “Next.”

To get the most success out of ALL your interactions with men, you’ll definitely want to learn everything I teach in my book about men, Men Made Easy as well as my dating package, From Flirting To Forever. When you know the secrets I reveal about men, you’ll be way ahead of the game.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

A friend sent me a link to an interesting article, Sex At Dawn, Why Monogamy Goes Against Our Nature, on Salon.com. It inspired me to comment on the topic of monogamy, which is often a heated topic.

As I explain in the chapter in Men Made Easy titled, Why Monogamy Is So Difficult For Men, most cultures throughout history–and many still today–practice polygamy. Consequently, the history of mankind tells us it’s unnatural for a man to have only one wife. By the way, it’s also natural for men to want younger woman because in these cultures, no matter how old the man gets, he selects approximately the same age wife, that of baby-making age.

In polygamous cultures, they don’t generally marry for love. They marry for reasons of property and political and family alliances. I’ve seen videos where, when the man takes a new wife, the “old” wife is relieved that she no longer has to have sex with her husband, or at least not as often.

I think marrying for love is a luxury that stems from no longer struggling for survival. And romanticized love that most marriages stand on, is childish, based on a fantasy, at least on the woman’s side. Most men go into marriage from a more pragmatic perspective. But for both, there is a higher potential to be achieve when they come together to create a committed relationship.

A Loving Relationship Should Raise Us Up

I do believe in marriage, or at least, a long-term committed relationship. Why? Because we crave intimacy and a higher meaning for our lives. I believe a relationship based on love, in particular Win/Win Love™, is the best way to raise ourselves to the highest pinnacle of human existence. Today, we have the luxury to pursue that. But that’s not what most people are considering when they join together and choose to form a relationship.

The way to keep a relationship fulfilling for both sides is to focus on deepening intimacy, because that is how our hearts get fed. Physical intimacy is the doorway into that realm. That’s where trust, deeper sharing, and melding of spirits can occur. But only if the couple knows how to create that kind of soulful closeness. In my experience, most don’t. As a writer and teacher, my ultimate goal is to help people achieve that in their relationships.

Men Prefer Sex With Someone They Love

One thing I did learn from the hundreds of men I’ve interviewed is that they enjoy sex more with someone they love. Yes, they can have sex without it meaning anything, with no emotional involvement, but sex with a woman they love is more fulfilling for them. In Men Made Easy I explain why men crave intimacy more than women do, and follow up with, why the only way most men experience intimacy is via sex. They crave emotional connection, but most men only feel safe enough to allow their guard down when they are in love.  It’s too scary to be that vulnerable with anyone else. When you understand why sex is how they experience intimacy, it will give you a whole new appreciation for the importance of a satisfying sexual relationship.

Divorce Isn’t Always Bad

On the other side of this equation, when a relationship is no longer fulfilling, divorce is not the horrible thing our culture makes it out to be. If either side is miserable and can’t find a way to inspire their partner to want to create the kind of intimacy that feeds both of their souls, then divorce is a better alternative than having a person’s spirit die. Besides, I’ve learned from personal experience that we grow from that kind of gut wrenching experience. An exception is when there are children. Then, if it’s possible to create a loving atmosphere, it is best for the children. Children learn about life from their parents, at least in those early years before their peers and the media take over. When discord is the norm, the children are learning that that is how marriage is supposed to be.

Testicles and Sperm

I have something to add to the above article, regarding what we can learn from sperm. I saw a film years ago where they showed menss sperm swimming to the ovum. If a man had been told another man had been there first, he had a higher count of sperm, his sperm swam faster, and there were what I call “Warrior Sperm.” These warriors literally attacked the sperm of the man who had ejaculated into the woman prior to him. You could see it happening in the film. I’m surprised the writers didn’t mention that. I think that says a lot about our deep biology. Men do not want their partner to be with another man. Back to survival again.

There’s a Hunter In Every Man

I use my intuition and what I’ve learned through my studies, to explain why we do what we do. I think one reason men don’t want their woman being with another man is because, as a hunter, he doesn’t want to work to feed another man’s child. A woman has, throughout time, needed her hunter to care for her and her offspring. So I think she’s got an inbuilt fear of her hunter leaving her to fend for herself. It was much riskier for her to be with another man, unless he was able and willing to take her, and her children, on as a wife.

Prior to writing Men Made Easy, I had been taking courses and studying the subject of Cultural Anthropology, which has become the backdrop for what I write. My interest in Cultural Anthropology was inspired by my trip to Papua New Guinea. While in PNG, I saw how the women spent most of their time with the other women, surrounded by the children, and the men hung out with the men. Their villages were organized in such a way that there were always lots of people around. Throughout most of our human history, we have lived communally.

A Couple Cannot Satisfy Each Others Needs

Today, we live with one woman and one man under one roof. This is a new experiment and it’s not working very well. A  big reason is because when a couple moves in together, they think they can fulfill each other’s every need. If mankind has lived communally through most of our history, then a couple alone, under one roof, is unnatural. But that’s how we do it. So I encourage women to have girlfriend time and for men to have guy friend time and for couples to socialize. It energizes us, gives us time apart, helps us develop a broad range of interests and keeps us interesting to our partner.

It is possible to create enduring, deeply fulfilling and satisfying relationships. But it doesn’t happen on it’s own. It takes a commitment to deepening intimacy, staying connected sexually, creating the safety required in order to share from the deepest recesses of our hearts. To stay together simply because you promised to do so when you no longer love each other is how our spirits shrivel and die. Please don’t let that happen to either of you. You can learn to create the kind of intimacy I’m talking about in Marriage Makeover Manual.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

The magic of learning to understand men, is you’ll begin to get more of what you want. Here’s something you may not know about men and how to create a loving relationship that makes you both happy.

When you’ve been dating and finally settle in to being a committed couple, you might want to start showing him how great a wife you’d be. Or maybe the nurturer in you kicks in and you start doing things for him because you enjoy it so much. This is a problem and here’s why.

Men are doers. They begin the relationship by pursuing you. They show their love by doing things for you, giving things to you, solving problems for you, making love to you, protecting you, and, when you’re married, “bringing home the bacon.”

In contrast, the best thing you can do is to receive. Yes, receive. That’s different than taking. Certainly, it’s different than demanding or having an attitude of entitlement, all of which are what I call “being ugly.” The foundation of what I teach, and the REAL way to a man’s heart, is Feminine Grace. To receive means to be gracious. And that means being appreciative of what he’s doing for you and giving to you.

When you’re doing for him, you’re basically being the man. Sure, he’s going to love it but over time, you’ll start feeling resentful, you’ll wonder why he isn’t being romantic any more and you’ll settle in to being a comfortable couple, but the passion will die.

If he isn’t doing or giving, he’s not being the man. Something won’t feel right to him, and he won’t know why. On the surface, it seems things should be great. But they’re not because you’ve turned your relationship upside down. You’ve become the man by being the doer and giver, and he’s become the woman when he’s being the receiver.

So what do you do? It’s logical that if you’re only receiving, and he’s only doing and giving, he’s going to begin to feel resentful. And, of course, you should want to give to and do things for him. The last secret in Men Made Easy is, “A man want’s to be with a woman who encourages him to enjoy being a man.” Part of what this means is you want to encourage him to do for you and give to you because you’re encouraging him to “be the man” for you.

Here’s how you can give to him in a way that encourages him to be the man.

Appreciating what he does for you is the gracious way to receive. So, when you do things for him, you let him know it’s in appreciation for all he does, for what an amazing man he is, for how terrific, happy, beautiful, and sexy he makes you feel. This way you’re not taking over his job of being the man, you’re encouraging him by showing your appreciation. When you cook for him, you let him know how much you enjoy doing it because you appreciate him so much. You’re encouraging him to enjoy being a man, your man, which will inspire him to continue to look for ways to do and give.

This also keeps the romance going. He won’t get lazy and you won’t become resentful. I hope this makes sense to you. It’s a way to honor the lovely dance of masculine and feminine and allows you both to show your love and appreciation for how good you feel to have each other. I hope this has helped you understand men better so you can enjoy a move loving relationship that deepens over time.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

You’ve heard of “self talk,” right? Well, all those things you tell yourself, either silently or out loud, become beliefs. I hear women say things like, “All men are morons,” “All of the good men are taken,” “I hate dating,” “Dating is such a waste of time,” “I’m never going to meet a good man,” “Men are only interested in one thing.” Any of these sound familiar?

The problem with these kind of thoughts is they become embedded in your brain, psyche and even your heart, and it changes your energy. You begin to look for verification that you’re right and guess what? You’ll begin to find it. It will also cause you to be shut off to all men. Think about it, if you believe any of those things above, you’ll make the assumption that they’re “guilty” until proven otherwise. And when your brain is searching to see if they are any of those negative things, a man is going to pick up on it. This is how man haters are born. It starts with one idea, than that causes you to think of more reasons why man are not okay, and then another.

So if you want to meet a great guy, then you need to start assuming most men are great. Sure, some of them won’t be, but you know what, most are if you just give them a chance. Of course, most won’t be the right man for you, but if you are open to the possibility that he is, it’s MUCH more likely that you will meet a terrific man. Believing that most men are good also causes your energy to be more enticing, alluring and attractive. So  more men will be interested in you. AND, here’s a really big idea, you will be happier because you will become a more positive person.

If you want to put out the most alluring energy possible, I highly recommend you get my book, Men Made Easy, so you can understand what is really going on in their hearts and souls. The benefits are many.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

If you’re still developing a relationship with a man and he begins to pull away, one reason might be because of job or money stress, dealing with children issues, or parents. These are all things he has no choice but to deal with them.

If you’re not yet an established couple, it’s very common for him to stop calling as often, stop texting, stop emailing and even stop dating. One reason he may decide to stop seeing you is you become too needy. It’s when he begins to pull away that you’re most likely to start contacting him more often than you had been. You get nervous, clingy and needy. And you begin to complain that your needs are not being met.

In the beginning, when he’s still deciding if he wants to develop a relationship with you, he’s noticing how you treat him, how demanding you are, how kind and considerate, how good or bad you make him feel, and whether it’s stressful or not to be with you. If he feels like you’re a drain in him in any way, he’ll usually stop seeing you.

With your added details, I’d say you must be coming across too needy. Men need to do the  pursuing, and set the tone for how often there’s contact. Most women need way more contact than most men. They need to be reassured, need to know where the relationship is going, need to see that things are moving forward. And if things slow down at all, they tend to start calling, texting, emailing and questioning what’s up. In the very early stages of a relationship, this is a real turn-off to most men.

To be the kind of woman a man falls in love with, you need to focus on being responsible for your own happiness, setting boundaries, expecting respect, being confident and happy. You can do all that in such a way that you glow with inner beauty rather than how many women do it, by being bitchy and behaving in ugly ways. There’s an art to knowing how to treat men so they can’t stand the thought of losing you. But most women have no clue how to do this. I call this way of being Feminine Grace and it’s an important part of the secrets I teach in Men Made Easy. With this winning combination, you can be the woman he falls in love with.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Many woman write to me complaining that the man they’re seeing isn’t fulfilling their needs. They want to know what they can do to convince him to do all the things they want in order to be happy in the relationship.

The point of being in a relationship should be because it makes you feel good. You should feel better for being in a relationship than if you weren’t in it. What I’ve noticed, however, is that many women feel worse for being involved with someone. Some of it is caused by the man and some of it is caused by the woman.

He is how he is. One of the PRIMARY reasons to date is to determine if he really is someone you want to make a life with. But most of the time, women immediately begin working to turn it into a relationship way before they know enough about the man and what it would be like to live with him.

I recommend you do a “Reality Check.” On a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle from top to bottom. On the left side put “Good” and on the right “Bad.” Under pluses make a list of all the ways “he makes you feel good.” On the right, make a list of all the ways “he makes you feel bad.”

Once you’re done, how does it balance out? Do you feel mostly good or mostly bad.

Because I stress personal growth in everything we do, the next thing I want you to do is look at each item on the “Bad” side and see if it’s something that is really bad, or if you’re making yourself feel bad because you want to control him in some way. I’ve noticed a lot of women make themselves miserable because they can’t control a man or can’t change him to be the way they want.

You CANNOT change a man. If a man cares for you, he will sometimes change in response to you making changes in yourself…if he cares enough. But mostly, you need to step back, see who this man is, and decide if he is okay just the way he is. If he isn’t, then you need to move on.

He’s into his kids, as he should be, and they will always take second place to you. For most men, their work is more important than the woman because that’s how they identify themselves as men. Then, if they are passionate about something (like baseball or golf), that will often be more important than a woman. It’s just the way it is.

So, if you’re with a man who isn’t giving you what you need because his plate is already so full, you have to decide if that’s what you want to live with.

You’re in the phase where you’re supposed to be deciding if he is the right man for you, not, how can I turn this into a relationship. Big difference.

I mentioned you can get a man to change in response to the changes you make in yourself. I teach women to develop Feminine Grace, which is all about you falling in love with being a woman. As you do this, you will become more and more beautiful, from the inside out. THAT’s when a man starts to realize he can’t afford to lose you and will begin to become more loving, more attentive and more of the man you want. It’s a delicious part of being a woman and you can learn how to transform yourself and your love life by reading my book, Men Made Easy.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™