…Without Taking Over His “Job” Of Being the Man

One thing I’ve learned in talking to men over the years is that when the woman makes the first move, it puts things on the wrong foot from the beginning… and it’s hard to get it back to where it would have been if he’d made the first move. But, and this is a big one, most men need about a 90% sure sign that you’re not going to turn him down if he approaches you.

Therein lies the dilemma. How do you get his attention, give him the “it’s okay” and not lose out on the opportunity, without jumping in and taking over his job? Well, there are 3 things that will definitely work:

1. You’re Out And About. (Work, party, coffee shop, etc.)
The Man’s Job: Approach you.
Your Job: Let him know you find him attractive and that’s safe for him to approach.

The best way to do that is to do the “Eye Thing”. This is how you do it: Look at him until he looks at you, then hold your gaze longer than you want to, then look down. Then, in a few moments, look at him again. If he’s looking at you, hold the gaze again, smile ever so slightly, then look down. If he isn’t looking at you, wait until he looks again, then do those things I just mentioned. Keep catching his eyes, without overdoing it, using your feminine wiles until he comes over to talk to you. If he doesn’t, that means you aren’t his type (noting personal), he’s got a date, or he’s involved. But you both probably had a good time enjoying the flirting energy.

2. He Has Finally Approached You.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your job: Encourage him when he has approached you.

When he comes over, smile (but not a huge smile, a feminine smile), be gracious, look him directly in the eyes when he speaks to you, be interested, find an opportunity to touch his arm or his shoulder but not in any s e x ual way; maybe when you laugh or he says something fascinating. Ask questions about him (but not the kind that would make him feel like you’re sizing up his qualifications, like what kind of work he does or what kind of house he owns) If men are successful, they’ll let you know soon enough because they want to impress you. Use the “Tell me more” phrase.

When you part, if you haven’t made a date, DO NOT contact him. If you do, you’ve taken over his job. If he never contacts you, then let go of your expectations and quit hoping he’ll call. And don’t start assuming he’s a worthless no-account. If he’s that attracted, he’ll contact you. And don’t you want a man who is so attracted that he can’t stop thinking about you? (Blatant Sales Pitch: Get my course, “Let The Real You Shine Through” so you will know how to be unforgettable.)

3. You’re Thrown Together At A Gathering.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your Job: To let him know you’re attracted, make him feel safe so he’ll ask you out.

How to casually start a conversation when you’re “thrown together”:

a. When you meet at a party, wedding or any occasion where you were invited

One good thing about meeting a new man at a party is that you probably both know the host and/or hostess. That gives you something in common which makes it easy for you to ask how you know “Bob” or “Alice.” It’s always okay for you to start a conversation at this type of event. If you see an attractive man, you can work your way over to where he is and ask a question. Most people are relaxed in this type of setting so parties are a great place to meet someone new.

b. When you meet for the first time in a business setting

This is a little trickier but you can still “be the woman.” Men love to be the problems solvers, have all the answers, impress you. So if you ask him to explain, clarify or add to whatever the topic is, he’ll see you in a different light than just another colleague, or worse, someone he feels in competition with. You have to ask him as a woman, with the energy that will transmit our interest to him. This is where Let The Real You Shine Through will really help.

c. When you’re standing in line at a coffee shop, the market, etc.

This is an easy way to start a conversation. Don’t complain in any way because that is veering over toward ugly behavior. Instead, make a neutral comment like, “I don’t come here very often. Is it always this popular?” Popular is a positive word, crowded could be seen as negative. After he answers, say, “It has really fun energy.” This makes you seem fun. Can you see the subtlety of this? It takes practice but if you pay attention to what you’re saying, and your intent, you’ll start getting good at coming across as a different kind of woman than those most men usually meet.

d. When you sit next to him at a lecture, class, any gathering

First, do your best to sit next to an attractive man. You can’t always make this happen, but you can talk before, after and if there’s a break.

The simplest thing is to ask him a question about the upcoming topic, how he came to be interested in that topic, etc. Starting a conversation at these kind of events is easy and generally, if you’re good at remembering that your job is to make him feel comfortable, and you’re fun, interested and interesting, the odds are he’ll ask to see you again.

For all 3 of these opportunities to be open and available to his approach, remember to be feminine, soft, interested, interesting, fun and positive. Look for an opportunity for him to be your hero (by helping you with something or answering a question), and relax and enjoy the dance that we call flirting. If you get at all aggressive, you’re taking over his job, if you get needy, you are scary. So just relax, see what happens, and if he doesn’t ask for your number or doesn’t ask to see you again, don’t take it personally. But do use it as an opportunity to learn. The more you do this the better you’ll get.

From my heart to yours,

THe Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
Understand men: Men Made Easy
Dating tips: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com
Coming Soon: WomenSharingSolutions.com