Modern women are used to going after what they want and many have successfully “landed their man.” But there are risks that are often subtle and go unnoticed. The primary risk is that men don’t like aggressive women. At least not when it comes to having one of their primary manly jobs taken from them.

Your power lies not in doing the pursuing but making it easy to be pursued. That way you get to have the fun of being the tempting woman he can’t get off of his mind and he gets to enjoy being the man. Some men are too dense to notice some of what you are doing so with that kind of guy, you need to be more direct. Instead of asking him out on a one-on-one date, why not ask him to a group activity? It’s still a date but not in the traditional sense where the man asks, picks you up and pays.

Even on an online dating web site, wait to be pursued. Put your photo up, make yourself sound fun and interesting, then wait to be approached. When I did some online dating, I broke my rule twice. After waiting for two men whose photos I liked to write to me, I finally wrote to them. We emailed, then talked on the phone and with both of them, I learned quickly that they weren’t anyone I wanted to meet. But I allowed myself to be badgered into meeting them. And I broke another one of my rules by driving to where they lived, rather than having them come to me. Both of them were jerks. Fortunately not dangerous, but I ignored my red flags, my gut and my rules. Why do lessons have to be so painful to learn?

You can pursue any man you want to. But if you want to enjoy being the woman you need to let him be the man. The most important secrets in my book, Men Made Easy, is “A Man Wants a Woman Who Makes Him Feel Like a Man.” So let him be the man, give him the opportunity to be your hero by letting him pursue you. Notice I used the word ‘let.’ What I teach is to empower women. You’re always in charge because you guide everything from the first moment.

Use your charm, your beauty, your sense of humor, your hobbies and interests to show him who you are. In my upcoming book, Flirting Made Easy, it’s all about developing dazzling energy. You want him to have difficulty keeping you off of his mind. What is it about you that makes you extra special? Dangle it in front of him then wait for him to take the next step. If he’s interested, and not too intimidated, he’ll go for it. Men need a 90% signal that it’s okay to approach you so put on that charm and see what happens.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
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