A male friend came over last evening to enjoy a glass of wine with me. As we often do, we started commiserating about our love lives. He is in his 60′s and still searching for a special woman to love. He was telling me about some of the women he’s met over the past few months and his overall description of them is, “Scary.”

I know a couple of them and I have to admit he’s right. I love my women friends but I would not set most of them up with my male friends because they really would be scary for most men. Why? Well, here are a few reasons:

1. They’re what are often called “B— Busters”
2. They get attached too quickly and become needy
3. They hop into bed immediately and then get bored and toss the guy aside
4. They hold a grudge against men in general because they’re still angry at their ex(s)
5. They pick marshmallows they can control because their ex controlled them so badly

Bottom line, their hearts have become hardened and guarded. When that happens, they lose the ability to have a healthy, deeply loving and mutually respectful relationship.

When they tell me about their varied experiences with men, they don’t see how their own issues, prejudices and judgments make them scary to men. I’m not saying there aren’t a lot of men that have issues, but when the heart is shut down, it’s impossible to let the good ones in.

The better path is to learn to open one’s heart, but at the same time, reawaken our intuition so we can be discerning to such a degree that we can see (and more important, feel) when someone is, or is not, right for us.

It takes desire and effort to risk opening our hearts to love, but oh, so worth it. The women I work with often say they feel like they’ve come alive. You have the rest of your life in front of you. Do you want to live with an open heart or a guarded and angry heart? You get to choose and I hope you choose love.