Many woman write to me complaining that the man they’re seeing isn’t fulfilling their needs. They want to know what they can do to convince him to do all the things they want in order to be happy in the relationship.

The point of being in a relationship should be because it makes you feel good. You should feel better for being in a relationship than if you weren’t in it. What I’ve noticed, however, is that many women feel worse for being involved with someone. Some of it is caused by the man and some of it is caused by the woman.

He is how he is. One of the PRIMARY reasons to date is to determine if he really is someone you want to make a life with. But most of the time, women immediately begin working to turn it into a relationship way before they know enough about the man and what it would be like to live with him.

I recommend you do a “Reality Check.” On a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle from top to bottom. On the left side put “Good” and on the right “Bad.” Under pluses make a list of all the ways “he makes you feel good.” On the right, make a list of all the ways “he makes you feel bad.”

Once you’re done, how does it balance out? Do you feel mostly good or mostly bad.

Because I stress personal growth in everything we do, the next thing I want you to do is look at each item on the “Bad” side and see if it’s something that is really bad, or if you’re making yourself feel bad because you want to control him in some way. I’ve noticed a lot of women make themselves miserable because they can’t control a man or can’t change him to be the way they want.

You CANNOT change a man. If a man cares for you, he will sometimes change in response to you making changes in yourself…if he cares enough. But mostly, you need to step back, see who this man is, and decide if he is okay just the way he is. If he isn’t, then you need to move on.

He’s into his kids, as he should be, and they will always take second place to you. For most men, their work is more important than the woman because that’s how they identify themselves as men. Then, if they are passionate about something (like baseball or golf), that will often be more important than a woman. It’s just the way it is.

So, if you’re with a man who isn’t giving you what you need because his plate is already so full, you have to decide if that’s what you want to live with.

You’re in the phase where you’re supposed to be deciding if he is the right man for you, not, how can I turn this into a relationship. Big difference.

I mentioned you can get a man to change in response to the changes you make in yourself. I teach women to develop Feminine Grace, which is all about you falling in love with being a woman. As you do this, you will become more and more beautiful, from the inside out. THAT’s when a man starts to realize he can’t afford to lose you and will begin to become more loving, more attentive and more of the man you want. It’s a delicious part of being a woman and you can learn how to transform yourself and your love life by reading my book, Men Made Easy.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™