We’ve heard it over and over, communication is one of the most important aspects of any successful relationship. Often women blame the the man for the lack of communication in their relationships. It’s true, men don’t generally have that much to say on the more heart-to-heart topics.

But it’s not how much is said, its the way things are said that matters. Women are often better communicators than men because men have been taught by society to keep their emotions inside. When they cried as a child, they were most likely told to “be a man,” “big boys don’t cry,” “pick yourself up and get bak out there.” The repercussion of that kind of conditioning is that men don’t usually share their emotions easily.

Understanding this can help improve the communication in a relationship. You have to create an environment where your man feels free to share his emotions without you making him feel bad or wrong because of it.

How To Get Him To Open Up

Here is how you get a man to open up and share more of what’s hidden safely in his heart. First, you need to pick a time when he’s not doing anything. If he’s reading the paper, he’s doing something. So ask him if it’s a good time for you to join him. Never, ever say “We need to talk.” That will scare him because that usually means he’s in trouble. If he says “Yes,” then sit down with him and just chit-chat for a few minutes.

Now for the experiment: ask him a not-too-scary question. Ask him what he likes best about his work, or what he enjoys best about golf, or why driving fast is such a passion. Whatever he’s into, ask him why he likes it. This causes him to have to go into his feelings, but it isn’t as scary as “why do you love me?” Can you feel the difference?

Now for the tricky part. You need to be quiet. Not a word. Ask your question, then wait until he responds. One of the most profound things I learned when I was interviewing the men for my book, Men Made Easy, is that men need, what I call, “moments of silence.” That is the time they need to gather their thoughts. We think it’s our time to jump in and comment. DON’T! Allow as many “moments of silences” as he needs.

Each time you don’t jump in and start talking, the safer he’ll feel, and the more likely he’ll speak with more vulnerability. When he’s done, don’t comment unless he invites you to. Simply thank him for sharing. If you’ve been cutting him off for a long time, or editing what he does say, it might take you a few tries to get him to trust that he’ll actually be listened to.

If you want more heart-to-heart intimacy, this is the way to get it. Oh yes, never, ever repeat what he’s shared with you. If you do, and he finds out, it will be the last time he opens up to you. Which is more important to you, deeper intimacy with him, or sharing something juicy with a girlfriend?

This is just one of the many techniques you’ll learn about men in Men Made Easy.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™