I was recently having a discussion with my daughter-in-law about the decision to make babies. It amazes me that there are tons of tests to be taken, degrees to be earned, permits to be gotten, and licenses to be applied for to do just about anything in our society. But when it comes to the most important thing two people can do–making babies–it requires no knowledge or skill sets. Not that I’m suggesting that there be more interference in our lives from government. But it’s the contrast that screams so loudly.

Raising children is the supreme activity in our society because it is the children who will grow up and become tomorrow’s adults. Adults who can either be an addition to society or a burden and worse, a scourge. Sadly, most babies are conceived as an accident in a moment of passion. That’s fine when the two people are in a committed, long-term relationship. But we all know that even then, the babies often come at inopportune times. Either it’s too soon, there isn’t yet financial stability, the woman can’t stay home with the baby, or the couple hasn’t had time to fully enjoy their new marriage. Having children is a huge undertaking and the state of parenthood should be entered into with a great deal of forethought, at least ideally.

But all too often pregnancy is an accident, as in my case. I was nineteen, first year of college, and stupid. Fortunately I got pregnant with a college senior who was a good man/boy. We loved each other, he was willing to marry me, he was able to create a financially secure life for us, and he was a good husband and father for the twenty-nine years of our marriage. But I was one of the lucky ones. Most don’t fare that well.

Even when the pregnancy is because a couple decided to have a baby the reasons aren’t always that sound. Many times, when the romance is wearing off, a couple thinks they will be able to improve their relationship by starting their family. It’s logical because, on the surface, it seems like a baby would strengthen their bond. But all it does is create stress that the relationship can’t handle. When a relationship is precarious, bringing a baby into the picture can be the proverbial straw.

My advice to my daughter-in-law was that babies should not enter the picture until after the couple has gone through the fluttery stages of love, romance, and passion. When things settle down and the couple realizes that they really, truly love each other in that deeply bonded way, when they can look at each other with deep respect and admiration and know for sure, without any doubts, that they want to be together for their foreseeable future, then and only then should they begin their family.

Unfortunately, that’s not the way people do it and today’s divorce rate is going to play havoc on our society. Children need two parents and a stable home and, sadly, way too many children are having to go without those basic things. I applaud single parents for the huge job and responsibility that it is to raise children alone, but the children are suffering in untold ways and it makes my heart sad. I’m grateful that I didn’t divorce until my children were grown. Even then, it was hard on my daughter, although she now sees that it was a good thing for my growth as a person. Just something to think about.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™
Visit Kara’s Website to find out about all her books and programs: KaraOh.com