Here’s a question I got today after I was interviewed on Allyson Spellman’s radio show. I thought it would be good to share our back and forth communication here:

Hi Kara, I just listened to your radio show. Playing devil’s advocate here -

There is so much info about there about what a woman should(n’t) do in a relationship. To me it amounts to treating a man with kid gloves. In your opinion, how can we as women ever hope to be ourselves and fulfill our purpose if we have to be so concerned about a man’s take on things? My thinking is if a woman has to do that, then what encourages him to be responsible, to value the woman in his life, and be a man rather than just male?

Please know I mean no disrespect in any way. I’m just seeking an honest opinion from the expert

Thanks, June

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Hi June, This is a good and fair question… and one I get a lot. If we wait for men to step up and be responsible, we will become very dissatisfied. We care more than they do about the quality of the relationship. They are pretty content with the bare essentials.

We are also capable and willing to do more so if we want it better, we need to set the standard by doing what is required to ‘inspire’ the man to step up and cherish us, make us happy, be our man. Otherwise, it’s a whole lot more work than it’s worth.

95% of all self-help books are purchased by women. Does that tell you anything? The just don’t get that worked up about “what isn’t broke.”

And understanding how to bring the best out in a man is kind of fun to put into action.

I hope that helps, Kara

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Hi Kara, Appreciate your response. I have a good friend that is more like a sister to me. She has been married for quite some time, but her husband treats her like he could care less at times. He’s very selfish and she has resigned herself to that’s just how things are going to be in the marriage. I pray for her, get upset with her for putting up with him, etc etc. She could definitely be happier.

Take care, June

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Hi again, Some men are not worth the effort and some just go trained wrong. On the radio show I think I mentioned how when women get comfy that they are now a couple, go into nurturing. The Feminine is about receiving and anything she gives to him should be in appreciation for what he has done for her. He gets to be the man, doesn’t get lazy, she gets to enjoy receiving, feel like a woman, keeps the romance flowing… win/win. Tough to change that around when he has gotten lazy. Usually it takes a HUGE wake-up call and many women just don’t have the energy so the settle. Very sad. Women should not tolerate bad behavior. The moment we do, we lose ground because men admit they will take the easiest path.

Thanks for writing, Kara

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I hope this will help inspire you to do what is necessary to get the man to “rise and shine” for you. Most men will admit they need a bit of polish. To learn more about how to get more of what you want, Men Made Easy (if you’ve got a man in your life) and From Flirting To Forever (if you’re still looking.)